Positive parenting

2015-10-28 06:00
Nhla Dlamini-Ngcoya. Photo: supplied

Nhla Dlamini-Ngcoya. Photo: supplied

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ALMOST every day parents hear: “Mommy can I please have a play date with my friend? Mommy can I please have a sleepover at my friend’s house?” How can we say no to those sweet, cute faces begging you for a positive answer?

Our children spend most of their time with their friends at school. They share their thoughts, toys, food and talk about all things good and bad, but do we know who these influential people are?
By getting to know your child’s friends you can gain insight into the relationships your child is involved in and keep an eye on them to make sure that they stay positive.

The values you instil into your child get to be automatically passed on to their friends. Your child speaks the language they use, they tend to share their deepest emotions (parent’s divorce, domestic violence, financial problems, sexual abuse, etc.) and they rely on their friends to keep their secrets­.

How many times have you heard, “Mom please promise me you won’t tell anyone, because I also promised my friend.”
Often you find yourself not knowing what to do with such information without betraying your child.

Getting to know your child’s friends allows you the opportunity to learn more about your own child. Know the names of all of your child’s friends. Some parents list their child’s friends in the family address book along with the names of their parents and contact information. Having them over for a sleep-over is a great way to spend quality time with them.

This is when getting to know their parents is very important. Before your child spends time with people who are strangers to you, as a parent you will want to be sure that their standards are aligned with yours, and that your child will not be exposed to anything you think could be harmful to them.

Remember children know no race so they will be exposed to different cultures, cuisines, rich lifestyles and poverty. Raising children can be stressful and isolating. We can learn a lot from these precious souls and make some wonderful friends too.

If you thought the saying: “It takes a village to raise a child” was only an African thing – think again. - Nhla Dlamini-Ngcoya.

• Nhla Dlamini-Ngcoya is the mother of two boys, Mpilonhle (13) and Bongi (7), but is mother to many. She has been married for 10 years and is completing her final year in psychological counselling. Her ultimate goal is to be a clinical psychologist specialising in family and marriage counselling.
“I am passionate about the subject of family and children because I believe it is the core of everything in life. I work with families in my work as a wedding planner. I am fascinated by the multiracial dynamics in family lifestyles and parenting. I believe that through communication we can have the insight to understand each other and realise how much similar we are. I do motivational speaking in various subjects around relationships.

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