Mr Ugly contest should have profitable returns for Kasi

2015-12-03 06:00
laughing lunga adam

laughing lunga adam

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“Umntu ucharma ngento anayo,” so it said around koKasi. But in Zimbabwe, they seem to have taken this to the very extreme.

In case you were not aware, I also did not know about it until recently. It seems the ‘Mr Ugly’ contest has been going on in that country for quite a number of years now.

Quite interesting that grown men would go out of their way to prove to all that their displeasing looks deserve a reward of sorts. Zimbabwe has become a country where expecting the unexpected is the norm, and this year is no exception.

This year’s Mr Ugly ‘beauty pageant’ has not been without a its wee bit of controversy though. A man by the name of Mison Sere came up tops in this contest. But lo and behold, another fellow, the runner-up, a William Masvinu, immediately cried foul.

“Mison Sere cannot not be more ugly than I am,” he bellowed.

As it is, Sere apparently has a mouth full of gaps, and the few teeth that remain in this hell-hole leave much to be desired. So Masvinu is adamant that “ugliness should be natural”.

“I was born ugly.” he boasted last week. “And so I should be the winner.” He has won the title face-down(so to speak) for the past three years, and so perhaps has good reason to think: “I wuz robbed.” Whatever that means! Well, methinks it’s just the usual case of the bitterness that comes with being beaten to the number one position, albeit for not being good looking at all.

Nuff said ‘bout that. Let’s get closer to home. This whole debacle, which has clearly taken an “ugly” turn, has had me thinking about why no one has dared come up with such an innovative idea from our townships.

Just come to think of it, in our Kasis, we have fellas that I’m sure have never ever had dreams of becoming Mr So-and-So. Trust me, we do have guys who can give their Zimbabwean counterparts a run for their money.

These are the people you try by all means to avoid seeing in the morning, lest the sight ruins your day. Looking at them from a distance, you cannot tell whether they are crying, pulling strange faces or simply desperate to answer the call of nature.

One thing about this special breed of people, though, is that they enjoy the spotlight. They always want their presence to be felt and noticed. It’s like when you’re a guy walking past a group of ladies and offer your greetings. Its usually the most unattractive of the lot who will spurn your advances.

At this you wanna holler: “Bendingatsho kuwe”, but then you immediately figure out it’s not even worth the trouble.

How about we have our own Mr Ugly annual contest in the townships, to reward other men for their strange looks?

While at it, you can invite some media and get some sponsors to jump on the bandwagon. Of course such an event would be incomplete without a prize money for the winner, for there is nothing as fulfilling as such a reward for an unsightly chap.

I bet you, people from all walks of life would rock up in their numbers to witness the marathon contest unfold.

I would also suggest that there be a cover charge for the audience. And a discount for entrants who meet the criteria of ‘ugly’.

Now, imagine a room full of unattractive folks, that would the mother of all ‘beauty pageants’! I have it on authority that Mr Ugly World 2017 will be held in Harare (not the one in Khayelitsha, though. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.

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