Trash is the absent father, not all of us

2017-06-01 06:02
on the runlunga adma

on the runlunga adma

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For these past few weeks, I have felt a need to make a dash for it, as this column implies!

Not that I am practising for the next instalment of the Two Oceans Marathon for which the likes of the editor of this newspaper are known for. No!

It is just that I have quietly been listening to the debate on radio talk shows, TV, social networks and newspaper letters pages about the general behaviour of our menfolk.

The comments around the #Menaretrash seem to be never-ending.

This follows the brutal killing of women and children at the hands of their partners.

The burning and dumping of Karabo Mokoena’s lifeless body, allegedly by her boyfriend Sandile Mentsoe, is the incident that seems to have set the cat among the pigeons.

Suddenly similar incidents have started to come to the spotlight.

Whoever has killed the beautiful, God-fearing and young Karabo has opened the floodgates of violence against children and women.

Courtney Pieters, the Elsies River meisie who was first reported missing, only for her body to be found in Epping nine days later.

The alleged killer? A man who was a tenant at her parent’s house, who has known the little girl’s father for more than 20 years.

When debates of this nature are brought to the fore, you really become speechless.

A state of confusion overwhelms you.

You ask a lot of questions, which is what I have been going through these past few weeks.

I’m not one to jump on the bandwagon, not least because, according to South African law, one is presumed innocent until proven guilty.

I am wary of being the one who casts that proverbial first stone.

The other day I took a taxi to work, unusually very early morning.

As the only man in the taxi, I sat quietly in my favourite back seat position. It turned out to be the longest trip of any taxi ride ever.

One moment, one lady would be sharing a painful story involving a female relative or girl child who had suffered at the hands of a man she trusted.

No sooner, another woman would interject and come up with her sad story. One painful episode after another. At one point, I felt the need to cut them mid-debate and offer an apology on behalf of all men.

Knowing women and how they react when things get heated, I figured that discretion would be the better part of an interjection.

However, I have come to the conclusion that the dead beat father is the cause of all the dilemma.

It is an issue that I think deserves way more attention than ever.

Women let the fathers of their kids get away with neglect for far too easy, to the detriment of the little ones.

Most of the men who abuse, rape and kill women are empty beings.

Growing up, they were deprived of a father figure and, as a result, want to become the fathers they never saw with their naked eye.

To every woman they meet and fall in love with, they want to exert a certain kind of authority.

My case in point is that the same could be said about some of the women who grew up minus the guidance of a father.

The situation is even more tragic if you look at it from this side of the coin, because by nature, females can be a gullible lot who pander to the whims of the men who steal their hearts.

Peer pressure is part of the nasty stew.

You notice it in the girl child’s behaviour.

Suddenly, they rock up home from the streets very late and when they are questioned by their mothers, they do not think twice to backchat.

Then they start sleeping out and then fall pregnant.

Before you know it, the man becomes abusive and controlling, yet still, the woman feels she cannot live without him because he provides, so she endures the beatings and insults.

I am not saying this happens to every young girl deprived of a father figure.

I am also not implying that those with father figures never go astray.

But if more men did not run away from their responsibility of nurturing and instilling good values in their children, we would have a much better world.

Trash is the absent father figure to a young one’s life, and should not be thrown at “all men”.


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