Guard your beautiful heart by saying no

2019-08-21 06:01
Advocate Kuni Ditira - Social Observer

Advocate Kuni Ditira - Social Observer

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A beautiful heart is easy to break.

It is said that a person having a beautiful heart is kind, caring, helpful, generous, humble, truthful, grateful, committed, forgiving person. Very few people have these characteristics.

People who are kind and have beautiful hearts are abused. Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Abusive people know their victims. They know those who are not able to say no.

It was payday. I enter the gate with two colleagues, and they are saying these people know our payday better than we do and this one is used to asking money knowing that I am going to give. I just laughed.

I have noticed that people who have a mental illness are all those good people who are always trying to assist others. They are the people who end up being hospitalised. Their abusers will never end up in hospital. At this mental hospital, a team of psychologists, industrial psychologist, biokineticists and psychiatrists teach them skills to equip them to deal with their different challenges.

But when they leave, they go back to their old ways. Galatians 6:5 – “For each one should carry his or her own load.”

This does not mean that you should not help others, but it means that you should not carry other people’s problems at a cost to your own health.

Any time somebody ask for assistance, ask yourself the following: Are the people able to do it themselves? Are they unable or unwilling? Do I have resources – time, energy and money? What is the source of my giving? Enabling or rescuing?

One of my mentees could not take my no when he asked me for money. He proposed that I should include him in my budget the following month. What a cheek! Just remember, you do not have to have a reason to say no. Why when you say yes you do not need to give a reason? The person’s reaction to your no is none of your business. You are not responsible for other people’s emotions.

I have assisted people when I did not have the resources. After that, you feel resentment. It is not that person’s problem. You are the one who have a problem to be firm and assertive and make it clear that you cannot assist.

Abusers know their victim. They know that you have a beautiful heart and you are a people pleaser. Even when you say no, they know if they persist and harass you, you will end giving them what they want.

Protect your beautiful heart. Establish boundaries. Learn to say no.

Teach people to fish instead of giving them fish. You are at the end not assisting them because they will not learn. I have heard people say we wonder what would do without you. No one is irreplaceable.

If you are not there, they will make an alternative plan. Guard your heart.

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