Relationships a complicated affair

2019-01-23 06:00
Advocate Kuni Ditira - Social Observer

Advocate Kuni Ditira - Social Observer

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When is it the right time for your partner to meet your family?

Is there a right time?

What does it say to you if you have never met your partner’s family and friends? Should you be concerned? Maybe that person is married and is lying to you?

What if your partner has also not met your family and friends?

In my youthful days we used to say people are going “steady”. That meant certain things: You could visit each other. People were aware of the relationship. There was some commitment, although it did not mean there would be wedding bells soon.

My colleague, who is white, has a daughter who is a student at tertiary level. Her boyfriend spends a lot of time with them and even goes on holiday with them.

In a black family that will never happen. Is this not why our children get pregnant whilst they are teenagers, because they see their girlfriend or boyfriend in secret?

Sometimes we do not know the boyfriend until the girl is pregnant.

My nephew’s daughter is still at high school and we know her boyfriend and he sometimes visits. Is that the way to go?

On the other hand, my cou­sin’s daughter is much older and her parents would get a heart attack if she were to have a boyfriend or bring a boyfriend home.

When is a child old enough to bring a boyfriend or a girlfriend home? At what age do you accept that they may be sleeping together?

Are we backwards or are other people too liberal?

What should you do if you are a return soldier and are inte­rested in someone? When should you introduce that person to your children and other family members?

Especially with the young children in mind – we do not want them to get used to one person and then after a few months, or a year, there is someone else.

On Facebook there is a relationship status called “it’s complicated”.

When is it complicated? When you are not the only one or you suspect that you are not the only one? There should be a status “friends with benefits”.

Some relationships are too complex to explain. Others would not understand your stupidity. I am sure when it is a case of “it’s complicated” or “friends with benefits” you will not do any introduction until it is clear what is happening in the relationship.

But it may not even be our business. What interest do we have?

  • Express welcomes anyone to contribute to the weekly co­lumn. There is no payment for writers. Send your opinion piece (not exceeding 500 words, in Sotho, Tswana or English) to teboho.setena@­ Writers are welcome to send articles of a spiritual nature.

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