Sugar mamas also deserve a fair chance

2016-03-02 06:00
Lehlohonolo Nyetanyane, Social Observer Foto:

Lehlohonolo Nyetanyane, Social Observer Foto:

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AN older woman who dates a young man is called a “sugar mama” and her young boyfriend in his early 20s is called “Ben 10”. She is called “mama” because she is old enough to be Ben 10’s mother.

This all started with older men (sugar daddies) dating young girls (trophy girls). The sugar daddy practice has been going on for more than four decades and society has tacitly come to terms with it. It has been accepted as one of those “odd things” that happen in society.

Though there is nothing sweet about this practice, it is money splashed around by the elder lover that gives the “forbidden affair” a sweet flavour. Sugar daddies parade their trophy girls around public places in their latest SUVs without shame. On the flip side of the coin – life is not as easy for sugar mamas.

The relationship comes at a hefty price for a sugar mama, as she has to buy the latest clothing brands and smartphone for Ben 10. For that mama who has climbed up the corporate ladder, handing out unlimited credit cards or buying a Golf GTI for Ben 10 is not such a big deal. This is essentially to have an agile young man on speed dial to help the old mama live out her sexual fantasies.

Sugar mamas are usually in their mid 40s to early 50s.

Most divorced or widowed women desperate to break out of loneliness are filling up sugar mama ranks. However, there are still married sugar mamas who have lost steam in their bedrooms and resort to cruising the streets for erotic entertainment.

Civil society looks scornfully at a sugar mama. She has to sneak around at night or behind high walls for a fix with Ben 10. When seen in public with the young lad, she has to introduce him as a long-lost nephew from Gauteng.

It becomes even a tougher battle for a divorced or widowed sugar mama when introducing a newly-found “uncle” to her own children.

Women like these are derogatively labelled “chicken murderer” or “krostina ya kgale” (an old accordion). They are looked upon as people with low sexual morals and society just ignores their cry for affection and bedroom pleasure.

The sugar mama phenomenon has gained momentum now that there are women advocacy groups that are determined to put it in the limelight. There are also scores of willing Ben 10s who are cashing in on this trend precisely for the perks that come with lonely mamas.

Most people from marginalised groupings have finally plucked up the courage to come out of the closet.

However, sugar mamas still cannot handle the stigma embedded in their chosen “young love”.

Whether sexual relations have anything to do with age or not, my view is that sugar mamas should be given a fair chance to be mollycoddled with love. If the clichéd saying “love is blind” is anything to go by, then society should be just as accommoda­ting to sugar mamas as it is to sugar daddies.

As much as we look the other way when we come across a sugar daddy and trophy girl, the same must apply to sugar mama/Ben 10 relationships.

After all, what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Civil society looks scornfully at a sugar mama. She has to sneak around at night or behind high walls for a fix with ­Ben 10.

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