Harken to my ‘opening specials’

2015-04-30 14:33

NOT for the first time - in fact, this is my third letter of the subject - I remain fascinated by the miraculous cures and solutions offered in the classified adverts of this journal, to the extent that I am convinced there is money to be made and have thus decided to set up in competition.

So harken to my opening specials that will soon be available at a shebeen near you.

Wandering husband or listless wife, try my secret juice guaranteed to reinvigorate the love muscle.

Can also be used in furniture repair and paint stripping.

Short of money to pay your accounts? Wear my good luck ring and leave your job as a factory cleaner to become managing director of factory in three days, guaranteed.

Lotto and casino wins a certainty under my spell will ensure quick path to success, big mansion and luxury car.

Plus have money to spare.

Gentlemen’s extensions carried out in very clean Hilux mobile clinic by my brother Big Willy. All sizes from large to super-huge.

Impress friends and astonish girlfriend. Banish enemies with tokoloshe and enjoy secret lover and much, much more.

Send R250 to grand wizard John Gardener and guarantee success in all things.

john gardener

Howick

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