Second book launch for PMB author

2017-04-05 06:04
At the book launch Thulani Gumede (left) and wife Nompilo Gumede.PHOTO: nokuthula khanyile

At the book launch Thulani Gumede (left) and wife Nompilo Gumede.PHOTO: nokuthula khanyile

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PIETERMARITZBURG author Thulani “Yeyeye” Gumede (33) is lifting the lid on inner turmoil which engulfs couples in their journey towards marriage.

Gumede has penned his frank second book Lovers and Mirrors in which he details his personal experience in his first six months as a married man.

In the book, he details his shortcomings and preconceptions of marriage and how they affected his initial experience of marriage.

The book was officially launched at the Bessie Head Library on the weekend. His wife Nompilo Gumede said she has read the book five times.

“The book alerts us to things we were not aware of. It deals with real life issues that couples face every day and these issues cut across racial divisions.

“The book discourages competition or comparisons of one’s relationship to that of other couples. It encourages the culture of communication and love. It’s a must have for young couples.”

Speaking at the launch Gumede said the reason why most relationships and marriages fail is because people don’t pay attention to important things.

“There are pillars mentioned in the book that couples should not depart from. Some people do not pay enough attention to the things they feel are important in their lives. In relationships there are always red flags but we choose to ignore them and only address them once we’re married, which proves difficult and ends up ruining the relationship. The signs are always there,” he said.

Gumede said individuals should not compromise their standards for relationships.

“Pillars play a major role; you knock them the whole structure crumbles. Through the book I’m trying to indicate to people to make a decision early in life on what it is they are going for. Don’t take somebody on board who doesn’t meet your standards.”

He also warns of the dangers of “trying” to alter your partner to be what you want them to be.

“The issue of communication plays a major role. The saddest thing I’ve seen in relationships is that we find it easy to confide in friends but expect the people we’re married to to understand. There should be transparency because by not talking couples suppress their feeling and explode. Communication plays a major role,” he added.

“Most of the problems we have in our relationships and marriages are purely because we are self centred of which love is not. Some of the struggles we face are because we always make things about us.”

He mentioned that cultural dynamics also play an impact in how relationships work out.

“The black culture promotes that a woman should submit to her husband and learn domestic chores. This is has a negative impact on most marriages. I cannot expect my wife woman to do everything in the house. The challenge is we both work a nine to five and as a man I cannot expect her to come home, cook and wash the dishes while I watch TV. Men need to realise that this isn’t working in this day and age.”

The book is available at R150.

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