Two pals and the Boks

2018-10-17 06:01

IT’S a bright Saturday morning in Pretoria and veteran rugby lover Piet decides to get his chores over and done with unusually early for one huge reason — he doesn’t want any distractions later in the day when he watches his beloved Springboks take on the mighty All Blacks at nearby Loftus Stadium.

His bum, sadly, won’t be in a seat at the famous ground this time, but the plan is to take in every second of this latest episode of “sportainment” on his old television set with a new bottle of brandy positioned right next to his well-worn couch.

With wife Marie busy cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry, Piet makes for the nearby supermarkets and finds the rugby air is pregnant with excitement, with almost nobody contemplating another record loss for the Boks to the New Zealanders after recent improvements in some matches against England, Australia, Argentina and the All Blacks themselves.

Without a doubt, he has to make a call to his mate of 40 years, Thomas, and invite him over so they can enjoy the big game together — and the Bols.

Thomas arrives with the requested Coke “dash” just before kick-off and the two men are now ready for the action, with their dialogue going as follows:

Thomas: “Hey Piet, thanks for calling me over, old pal, but it looks like we are going to have to get used to doing this a lot more because there’s no way we can afford those crazy ticket prices anymore.”

Piet: “Ja, thanks for coming, man. Those tickets are only for rich people these days. You have to pay so much and you are not even guaranteed a win from the Boks at home anymore. It must have been really painful for those people in Allister Coetzee’s time.

At least we get action replays on the telly, not forgetting the Bols.”

Thomas: “Well, what to do, man?”

Piet: “That’s why I was so happy to come across those food specials for under R5 each at Shoprite this morning again ... hot dogs, egg sandwiches and so on. And the black ladies there make it really nice for me every time. They are very clean, too.”

Thomas: “But you must be careful that those specials don’t lead you to buy other, unnecessary items. Advertisements are there to bait you, old friend.”

Piet: “Here, have a dop, the Boks are doing really well today. I see they are making sure the ball is mostly played in the All Blacks’ half.”

Thomas: “True, that Beauden Barrett and Aaron Smith are not able to run the show. We are taking this game!”

Piet: “What’s with that Smith guy, anyway? He looks like a coloured from South Africa?”

Thomas: “Maybe his family moved over many years ago. It’s not only whites who have been emigrating, but lots of coloureds and Indians, too. I hear even Africans have started to go overseas because of the way this country has been going.”

Piet: “And now look at these stupid South Africans on the screen, dressed in New Zealand jerseys. See, there’s one coloured guy and one black one, too. That’s not right, man.”

Thomas: “I say, if you are a South African but don’t like our national team, then at least don’t support another team. I believe there are also some Indians inDurban who shout for India when they are playing our Proteas, and some white guys who support England in soccer and not Bafana Bafana.”

Piet: “I can believe the Bafana story, because they are always losing.

But forget about them, our boys are doing really well here, 30-13 with less than 20 minutes to go!”

Thomas: “Bokke, Bokke, Bokke!”

Piet: “Oh no, but what is happening now, we’re allowing them back. What’s wrong with this coach? No wonder he seems to lose every second game.”

Thomas: “If that New Zealand guy scores now, they win the game. You can’t give them any room, especially in the second half because they always know how to fight back.”

Piet: “Why did Rassie have to make so many changes so late? We lost our shape.

And you know what, most of the reserves coming on were black guys. Before that, we were looking good.”

Thomas: “I don’t think you can blame the black guys, considering that two of them were instrumental in our last two tries.

Anyhow, you mustn’t talk too much about quotas because when people started complaining about the lack of black cricketers in the Zimbabwean team, the government started taking away white farmers’ land.”

Piet: “Maybe, but half of Zimbabwe is working as modern-day slaves here these days. I really hope the Boks don’t end up like Bafana. Rugby still has some good in it. When last did Bafana or the Proteas win a World Cup. Never.

We won two!”

Thomas: “I hear what you are saying, Piet, but we all need each other, just like how you get that cheap but tasty food from those black ladies at Shoprite you mentioned earlier!”

• Carl Peters it the sports editor of The Witness.

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