Coping with grief

2019-03-19 06:00

Grief is an emotion that everyone has experienced at some time or the other in their lives. It is not a topic that one speaks or talks about easily because grieving is an extremely private and personal affair.

Learning to cope with the loss of a loved one is not easy because there aren’t many books to teach you how to cope with grief. Age, maturity and cultural beliefs don’t help much because grieving depends on a number of things like one’s relationship with a lost loved one, one’s personality and the support structures available.

I have counseled several patients, including children after the death of a loved one and I realised that I had to apply different approaches to each one because each one has his or her own special relationship with his/her loved ones. The worst was having to counsel a young mother and her young son, after the young mother’s husband ended his life tragically, in front of her without giving her a reason for his action. To add to her grief, her late husband’s family accused her of her husband’s death.

Death, tragic or natural, can bring out the best and the worst out of people.

Anger is often one of the most common emotions expressed by families when they lose a loved one, and quite often, it is directed at the doctors or other family members for not doing enough. This, even after the doctors and family members have done everything to care for the well-being of the loved one.Fortunately, people who misdirect their anger to the doctors, are few. The majority are usually quite appreciative of the efforts of their doctors and caregivers.

Doctors must be taught, what I have learned the hard way, is to never take to heart, the anger of the grieving families because grief makes people so irrational that they will blurt out the ugliest things that come to their mind, which is part of the grieving process.

I recently treated a wonderful man in his 30s, who was rushed into my rooms, complaining of chest pain, looking helpless and weak, as if he was about to have a major heart attack.The pain in his chest, fortunately, was muscular, to his relief and to the relief of his young and worried wife. The muscle pain was due to his anxiety and panic disorder.On questioning him about what was making him so stressed, he broke down crying, uncontrollably.He told me how much he missed his mother who passed away a year ago.As time went by, I managed to help him to see the need to come to terms with his loss and to accept the reality of the situation.

To accept the loss of a loved one is essential, especially, if one is the head of a household with young children.To accept a loss does not mean that one does not care or that one has forgotten about a loved one. One accepts the loss of a loved one in order to keep the focus on the living, who depend on you.

We cannot wish for loved ones who are taken away from us to return to us, so pining for their return will either make us severely depressed or insane.Not everyone can come to terms with his/her loss on their own, so it is essential for them to seek professional help instead of brooding and being miserable and allowing their grief to destroy them slowly.We rarely ever forget the loss of our near and dear ones because the sweet and wonderful moments and years that we have shared with them will always be stored in the treasure box of memories in our minds, to be recalled whenever we sit back and reflect about our times with them.

There is no time limit or rule to tell us as to how one should grieve and for how long. We each have our own ways of dealing with our grief, but we must not allow our grief to consume us to the extent that it destroys us.

If anyone reading this piece is struggling to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, I would urge you to seek the help of a professional or join a support group but don’t allow yourself to go down, suffering from severe depression and wilt away slowly, as if you have nothing to live for.

Speak about your grief instead of drinking or drugging yourself out of it.There is help out there and don’t be shy to seek it. Seeking help, on an issue as sensitive as coping with grief, is certainly not a sign of weakness but a sign of being sensible and responsible.V Dr Ellapen Rapiti is a Medical Practitioner with a GP practice in Eastridge, Mitchell’s Plain. Rapiti is also well versed in drug addiction and wellness and has authored a book.

Grief is an emotion that everyone has experienced at some time or the other in their lives. It is not a topic that one speaks or talks about easily because grieving is an extremely private and personal affair.

Learning to cope with the loss of a loved one is not easy because there aren’t many books to teach you how to cope with grief. Age, maturity and cultural beliefs don’t help much because grieving depends on a number of things like one’s relationship with a lost loved one, one’s personality and the support structures available.

I have counseled several patients, including children after the death of a loved one and I realised that I had to apply different approaches to each one because each one has his or her own special relationship with his/her loved ones. The worst was having to counsel a young mother and her young son, after the young mother’s husband ended his life tragically, in front of her without giving her a reason for his action. To add to her grief, her late husband’s family accused her of her husband’s death.

Death, tragic or natural, can bring out the best and the worst out of people.

Anger is often one of the most common emotions expressed by families when they lose a loved one, and quite often, it is directed at the doctors or other family members for not doing enough. This, even after the doctors and family members have done everything to care for the well-being of the loved one.Fortunately, people who misdirect their anger to the doctors, are few. The majority are usually quite appreciative of the efforts of their doctors and caregivers.

Doctors must be taught, what I have learned the hard way, is to never take to heart, the anger of the grieving families because grief makes people so irrational that they will blurt out the ugliest things that come to their mind, which is part of the grieving process.

I recently treated a wonderful man in his 30s, who was rushed into my rooms, complaining of chest pain, looking helpless and weak, as if he was about to have a major heart attack.The pain in his chest, fortunately, was muscular, to his relief and to the relief of his young and worried wife. The muscle pain was due to his anxiety and panic disorder.On questioning him about what was making him so stressed, he broke down crying, uncontrollably.He told me how much he missed his mother who passed away a year ago.As time went by, I managed to help him to see the need to come to terms with his loss and to accept the reality of the situation.

To accept the loss of a loved one is essential, especially, if one is the head of a household with young children.To accept a loss does not mean that one does not care or that one has forgotten about a loved one. One accepts the loss of a loved one in order to keep the focus on the living, who depend on you.

We cannot wish for loved ones who are taken away from us to return to us, so pining for their return will either make us severely depressed or insane.Not everyone can come to terms with his/her loss on their own, so it is essential for them to seek professional help instead of brooding and being miserable and allowing their grief to destroy them slowly.We rarely ever forget the loss of our near and dear ones because the sweet and wonderful moments and years that we have shared with them will always be stored in the treasure box of memories in our minds, to be recalled whenever we sit back and reflect about our times with them.

There is no time limit or rule to tell us as to how one should grieve and for how long. We each have our own ways of dealing with our grief, but we must not allow our grief to consume us to the extent that it destroys us.

If anyone reading this piece is struggling to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, I would urge you to seek the help of a professional or join a support group but don’t allow yourself to go down, suffering from severe depression and wilt away slowly, as if you have nothing to live for.

Speak about your grief instead of drinking or drugging yourself out of it.There is help out there and don’t be shy to seek it. Seeking help, on an issue as sensitive as coping with grief, is certainly not a sign of weakness but a sign of being sensible and responsible.V Dr Ellapen Rapiti is a Medical Practitioner with a GP practice in Eastridge, Mitchell’s Plain. Rapiti is also well versed in drug addiction and wellness and has authored a book.

Grief is an emotion that everyone has experienced at some time or the other in their lives. It is not a topic that one speaks or talks about easily because grieving is an extremely private and personal affair.

Learning to cope with the loss of a loved one is not easy because there aren’t many books to teach you how to cope with grief. Age, maturity and cultural beliefs don’t help much because grieving depends on a number of things like one’s relationship with a lost loved one, one’s personality and the support structures available.

I have counseled several patients, including children after the death of a loved one and I realised that I had to apply different approaches to each one because each one has his or her own special relationship with his/her loved ones. The worst was having to counsel a young mother and her young son, after the young mother’s husband ended his life tragically, in front of her without giving her a reason for his action. To add to her grief, her late husband’s family accused her of her husband’s death.

Death, tragic or natural, can bring out the best and the worst out of people.

Anger is often one of the most common emotions expressed by families when they lose a loved one, and quite often, it is directed at the doctors or other family members for not doing enough. This, even after the doctors and family members have done everything to care for the well-being of the loved one.Fortunately, people who misdirect their anger to the doctors, are few. The majority are usually quite appreciative of the efforts of their doctors and caregivers.

Doctors must be taught, what I have learned the hard way, is to never take to heart, the anger of the grieving families because grief makes people so irrational that they will blurt out the ugliest things that come to their mind, which is part of the grieving process.

I recently treated a wonderful man in his 30s, who was rushed into my rooms, complaining of chest pain, looking helpless and weak, as if he was about to have a major heart attack.The pain in his chest, fortunately, was muscular, to his relief and to the relief of his young and worried wife. The muscle pain was due to his anxiety and panic disorder.On questioning him about what was making him so stressed, he broke down crying, uncontrollably.He told me how much he missed his mother who passed away a year ago.As time went by, I managed to help him to see the need to come to terms with his loss and to accept the reality of the situation.

To accept the loss of a loved one is essential, especially, if one is the head of a household with young children.To accept a loss does not mean that one does not care or that one has forgotten about a loved one. One accepts the loss of a loved one in order to keep the focus on the living, who depend on you.

We cannot wish for loved ones who are taken away from us to return to us, so pining for their return will either make us severely depressed or insane.Not everyone can come to terms with his/her loss on their own, so it is essential for them to seek professional help instead of brooding and being miserable and allowing their grief to destroy them slowly.We rarely ever forget the loss of our near and dear ones because the sweet and wonderful moments and years that we have shared with them will always be stored in the treasure box of memories in our minds, to be recalled whenever we sit back and reflect about our times with them.

There is no time limit or rule to tell us as to how one should grieve and for how long. We each have our own ways of dealing with our grief, but we must not allow our grief to consume us to the extent that it destroys us.

If anyone reading this piece is struggling to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, I would urge you to seek the help of a professional or join a support group but don’t allow yourself to go down, suffering from severe depression and wilt away slowly, as if you have nothing to live for.

Speak about your grief instead of drinking or drugging yourself out of it.There is help out there and don’t be shy to seek it. Seeking help, on an issue as sensitive as coping with grief, is certainly not a sign of weakness but a sign of being sensible and responsible.V Dr Ellapen Rapiti is a Medical Practitioner with a GP practice in Eastridge, Mitchell’s Plain. Rapiti is also well versed in drug addiction and wellness and has authored a book.

Grief is an emotion that everyone has experienced at some time or the other in their lives. It is not a topic that one speaks or talks about easily because grieving is an extremely private and personal affair.

Learning to cope with the loss of a loved one is not easy because there aren’t many books to teach you how to cope with grief. Age, maturity and cultural beliefs don’t help much because grieving depends on a number of things like one’s relationship with a lost loved one, one’s personality and the support structures available.

I have counseled several patients, including children after the death of a loved one and I realised that I had to apply different approaches to each one because each one has his or her own special relationship with his/her loved ones. The worst was having to counsel a young mother and her young son, after the young mother’s husband ended his life tragically, in front of her without giving her a reason for his action. To add to her grief, her late husband’s family accused her of her husband’s death.

Death, tragic or natural, can bring out the best and the worst out of people.

Anger is often one of the most common emotions expressed by families when they lose a loved one, and quite often, it is directed at the doctors or other family members for not doing enough. This, even after the doctors and family members have done everything to care for the well-being of the loved one.Fortunately, people who misdirect their anger to the doctors, are few. The majority are usually quite appreciative of the efforts of their doctors and caregivers.

Doctors must be taught, what I have learned the hard way, is to never take to heart, the anger of the grieving families because grief makes people so irrational that they will blurt out the ugliest things that come to their mind, which is part of the grieving process.

I recently treated a wonderful man in his 30s, who was rushed into my rooms, complaining of chest pain, looking helpless and weak, as if he was about to have a major heart attack.The pain in his chest, fortunately, was muscular, to his relief and to the relief of his young and worried wife. The muscle pain was due to his anxiety and panic disorder.On questioning him about what was making him so stressed, he broke down crying, uncontrollably.He told me how much he missed his mother who passed away a year ago.As time went by, I managed to help him to see the need to come to terms with his loss and to accept the reality of the situation.

To accept the loss of a loved one is essential, especially, if one is the head of a household with young children.To accept a loss does not mean that one does not care or that one has forgotten about a loved one. One accepts the loss of a loved one in order to keep the focus on the living, who depend on you.

We cannot wish for loved ones who are taken away from us to return to us, so pining for their return will either make us severely depressed or insane.Not everyone can come to terms with his/her loss on their own, so it is essential for them to seek professional help instead of brooding and being miserable and allowing their grief to destroy them slowly.We rarely ever forget the loss of our near and dear ones because the sweet and wonderful moments and years that we have shared with them will always be stored in the treasure box of memories in our minds, to be recalled whenever we sit back and reflect about our times with them.

There is no time limit or rule to tell us as to how one should grieve and for how long. We each have our own ways of dealing with our grief, but we must not allow our grief to consume us to the extent that it destroys us.

If anyone reading this piece is struggling to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, I would urge you to seek the help of a professional or join a support group but don’t allow yourself to go down, suffering from severe depression and wilt away slowly, as if you have nothing to live for.

Speak about your grief instead of drinking or drugging yourself out of it.There is help out there and don’t be shy to seek it. Seeking help, on an issue as sensitive as coping with grief, is certainly not a sign of weakness but a sign of being sensible and responsible.V Dr Ellapen Rapiti is a Medical Practitioner with a GP practice in Eastridge, Mitchell’s Plain. Rapiti is also well versed in drug addiction and wellness and has authored a book.

Grief is an emotion that everyone has experienced at some time or the other in their lives. It is not a topic that one speaks or talks about easily because grieving is an extremely private and personal affair.

Learning to cope with the loss of a loved one is not easy because there aren’t many books to teach you how to cope with grief. Age, maturity and cultural beliefs don’t help much because grieving depends on a number of things like one’s relationship with a lost loved one, one’s personality and the support structures available.

I have counseled several patients, including children after the death of a loved one and I realised that I had to apply different approaches to each one because each one has his or her own special relationship with his/her loved ones. The worst was having to counsel a young mother and her young son, after the young mother’s husband ended his life tragically, in front of her without giving her a reason for his action. To add to her grief, her late husband’s family accused her of her husband’s death.

Death, tragic or natural, can bring out the best and the worst out of people.

Anger is often one of the most common emotions expressed by families when they lose a loved one, and quite often, it is directed at the doctors or other family members for not doing enough. This, even after the doctors and family members have done everything to care for the well-being of the loved one.Fortunately, people who misdirect their anger to the doctors, are few. The majority are usually quite appreciative of the efforts of their doctors and caregivers.

Doctors must be taught, what I have learned the hard way, is to never take to heart, the anger of the grieving families because grief makes people so irrational that they will blurt out the ugliest things that come to their mind, which is part of the grieving process.

I recently treated a wonderful man in his 30s, who was rushed into my rooms, complaining of chest pain, looking helpless and weak, as if he was about to have a major heart attack.The pain in his chest, fortunately, was muscular, to his relief and to the relief of his young and worried wife. The muscle pain was due to his anxiety and panic disorder.On questioning him about what was

making him so stressed, he broke down crying, uncontrollably.He told me how much he missed his mother who passed away a year ago.As time went by, I managed to help him to see the need to come to terms with his loss and to accept the reality of the situation.

To accept the loss of a loved one is essential, especially, if one is the head of a household with young children.To accept a loss does not mean that one does not care or that one has forgotten about a loved one. One accepts the loss of a loved one in order to keep the focus on the living, who depend on you.

We cannot wish for loved ones who are taken away from us to return to us, so pining for their return will either make us severely depressed or insane.Not everyone can come to terms with his/her loss on their own, so it is essential for them to seek professional help instead of brooding and being miserable and allowing their grief to destroy them slowly.We rarely ever forget the loss of our near and dear ones because the sweet and wonderful moments and years that we have shared with them will always be stored in the treasure box of memories in our minds, to be recalled whenever we sit back and reflect about our times with them.

There is no time limit or rule to tell us as to how one should grieve and for how long. We each have our own ways of dealing with our grief, but we must not allow our grief to consume us to the extent that it destroys us.

If anyone reading this piece is struggling to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, I would urge you to seek the help of a professional or join a support group but don’t allow yourself to go down, suffering from severe depression and wilt away slowly, as if you have nothing to live for.

Speak about your grief instead of drinking or drugging yourself out of it.There is help out there and don’t be shy to seek it. Seeking help, on an issue as sensitive as coping with grief, is certainly not a sign of weakness but a sign of being sensible and responsible.V Dr Ellapen Rapiti is a Medical Practitioner with a GP practice in Eastridge, Mitchell’s Plain. Rapiti is also well versed in drug addiction and wellness and has authored a book.

Grief is an emotion that everyone has experienced at some time or the other in their lives. It is not a topic that one speaks or talks about easily because grieving is an extremely private and personal affair.Learning to cope with the loss of a loved one is not easy because there aren’t many books to teach you how to cope with grief. Age, maturity and cultural beliefs don’t help much because grieving depends on a number of things like one’s relationship with a lost loved one, one’s personality and the support structures available.

I have counseled several patients, including children after the death of a loved one and I realised that I had to apply different approaches to each one because each one has his or her own special relationship with his/her loved ones. The worst was having to counsel a young mother and her young son, after the young mother’s husband ended his life tragically, in front of her without giving her a reason for his action. To add to her grief, her late husband’s family accused her of her husband’s death.

Death, tragic or natural, can bring out the best and the worst out of people.

Anger is often one of the most common emotions expressed by families when they lose a loved one, and quite often, it is directed at the doctors or other family members for not doing enough. This, even after the doctors and family members have done everything to care for the well-being of the loved one.Fortunately, people who misdirect their anger to the doctors, are few. The majority are usually quite appreciative of the efforts of their doctors and caregivers.

Doctors must be taught, what I have learned the hard way, is to never take to heart, the anger of the grieving families because grief makes people so irrational that they will blurt out the ugliest things that come to their mind, which is part of the grieving process.

I recently treated a wonderful man in his 30s, who was rushed into my rooms, complaining of chest pain, looking helpless and weak, as if he was about to have a major heart attack.The pain in his chest, fortunately, was muscular, to his relief and to the relief of his young and worried wife. The muscle pain was due to his anxiety and panic disorder.On questioning him about what was making him so stressed, he broke down crying, uncontrollably.He told me how much he missed his mother who passed away a year ago.As time went by, I managed to help him to see the need to come to terms with his loss and to accept the reality of the situation.

To accept the loss of a loved one is essential, especially, if one is the head of a household with young children.To accept a loss does not mean that one does not care or that one has forgotten about a loved one. One accepts the loss of a loved one in order to keep the focus on the living, who depend on you.

We cannot wish for loved ones who are taken away from us to return to us, so pining for their return will either make us severely depressed or insane.Not everyone can come to terms with his/her loss on their own, so it is essential for them to seek professional help instead of brooding and being miserable and allowing their grief to destroy them slowly.We rarely ever forget the loss of our near and dear ones because the sweet and wonderful moments and years that we have shared with them will always be stored in the treasure box of memories in our minds, to be recalled whenever we sit back and reflect about our times with them.

There is no time limit or rule to tell us as to how one should grieve and for how long. We each have our own ways of dealing with our grief, but we must not allow our grief to consume us to the extent that it destroys us. If anyone reading this piece is struggling to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, I would urge you to seek the help of a professional or join a support group but don’t allow yourself to go down, suffering from severe depression and wilt away slowly, as if you have nothing to live for.Speak about your grief instead of drinking or drugging yourself out of it.There is help out there and don’t be shy to seek it. Seeking help, on an issue as sensitive as coping with grief, is certainly not a sign of weakness but a sign of being sensible and responsible.V Dr Ellapen Rapiti is a Medical Practitioner with a GP practice in Eastridge, Mitchell’s Plain. Rapiti is also well versed in drug addiction and wellness and has authored a book.

NEXT ON NEWS24X

Join the conversation!

24.com encourages commentary submitted via MyNews24. Contributions of 200 words or more will be considered for publication.

We reserve editorial discretion to decide what will be published.
Read our comments policy for guidelines on contributions.

Inside News24

 
Traffic Alerts
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.