Nkandla should have fallen under Ugu

2015-06-04 06:00

I NOTE that the minister of police has taken a different view of the non-security upgrades at President Zuma’s Nkandla private home.

As far as the swimming pool is concerned, which provides the president with the opportunity to do 10 laps every morning, it would not have been necessary at all if Nkandla had fallen under Ugu District Municipality.

This municipality has a very clear policy to cover township developments, both large and small. The developer in this case, Zuma, would have had to make a contribution of R15 000 a throw for fire hydrants provided by the municipality.

Alternatively Zuma could have bought himself a large fire engine with a huge tank and housed it in one of those buildings where the firemen sleep upstairs and slide down shiny poles when the alarm goes off. This would have the additional benefit of job creation for assorted cronies and comrades masquerading as firemen.

As far as the other upgrades are concerned, it becomes necessary to understand the underlying meaning of the president’s safety, health and security.

The amphitheatre is essential so that the president’s four wives can disport themselves there to the delight of the president. To bring him to a complete state of satiety the luxurious visiting quarters could provide accommodation with ample showers for the daughters of old friends.

In respect of the chicken run, it is essential for the health and thereby the security of the president to provide him with free-range eggs, and not those dreadful specimens from supermarkets which emit from the unfortunate hens locked in tiny cells covered in excrement in fowl prisons.

What rewards there lie in wait for lickspittal Nathi Nhleko for misstatements, inaccuracies and false statements about the finding of a respected Constitutional Chapter Nine Institution?

In furthering his aims of job creation Zuma already has the largest cabinet in the world with something like 86 members, and Nathi Nhleko is already there. A possible solution would be to make the police minister the internal deputy president whose job it would be to ensure that only those sympathetic to and protective of Jacob Zuma would be appointed to the Judicial Services Commission, the Judiciary, the Prosecuting Authority and the Hawks.

Deputy president Cyril “Buffalo” Ramaphosa could then become the external vice- president whose job it would be fly around the African continent defending the president’s family interests and putting out fires for his boss.

Dave Snashall

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