Unattractive males at increased risk of being “like a brother” to attractive female friends

2012-02-24 14:47

Hayibo - Unattractive males are “very, very unlikely” to be considered as potential sexual- or romantic partners by their attractive female friends, a new study has suggested. In response to the findings, men with nice personalities said that attraction did not run according to science’s timetables, and being thought of as “just like a brother” was still “really great”.

According to lead researcher, Dr Kinsey Unrequited, more than 3,000 male-female pairs were interviewed after being selected for their “wildly disparate views” on their relationship.

“If he described the relationship as ‘deeply trusting’ and her as ‘smoking’, while she described it as ‘on the ambivalent side of platonic’ and him as ‘eeuw!’, they were pretty much ideal test subjects,” said Unrequited.

Meanwhile, participants in the study say that its findings change very little about their low-intensity, slightly wistful relationships.

“Darrel is totally my best friend, and I love him in a really special way,” said Hope Springs, an athletic, blonde 22-year old drama student and part-time model. “In fact I make a point of often telling him that I love him as a brother, and he’s always so happy that tears come to his eyes and he makes this sound like someone standing on a puppy.”

She said if there was one thing she would change about the relationship it would be for Darrel to stop complimenting her “all the time”, which “comes off as a bit creepy”.

Darrel Pining, a heavy-set engineering major, still remembers the day Hope first walked into the copy-shop where he works on weekends.

“She wanted a hundred copies of a flyer for a really brilliant one-woman show she was doing called ‘Eat Me’,” recalls Pining.

“There was instant chemistry. We just had so much in common, like I could do copies and she needed things copied, and we both liked coffee, and…just everything, really.”

Since then, says Pining, he and Hope have become “very intimate”, often talking for hours on the phone about Hope’s relationship problems.

“There’s this bastard,” he sighs. “There’s always some bastard. So I help where I can, and let her know that I’m always there for her. Always.”

Asked if he would ever ask Hope on a date, Darrel said that they were “too alike for it to work”.

“I mean she’s gorgeous or whatever, but I respect her too much as a friend, you know? I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

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  • Felix - 2012-02-24 15:36

    Hope seems too familiar with the sound of puppies being stood on.

  • methedex - 2012-02-24 15:56


      Pieter - 2012-02-24 16:52

      That awkward moment when you realize that you got friendzoned.

      Jeeves - 2012-02-26 14:09

      Came here to say that.

  • arno.west - 2012-02-24 16:38

    Looks like i'm in trouble, atleast i'm not ugly and can try the friends with benifits card!

  • spartanx93 - 2012-02-24 19:29

    welcome to the friend zone, friend zone :P hahahahaha

  • David - 2012-02-24 22:46

    I'd be happy to be like a brother, if they are happy about incest.

      petrakzn - 2012-02-25 06:33

      With that mindset you will remain a "Brother" all your life David I believe that men learnt from other men how to win a womans trust, that you go out there and try anything to score.....THAT is why most men dont know how to treat a woman, "and get laid". If they can get that right they will only want just that one woman and make it special.

  • swampgurl - 2012-02-25 11:40

    So does it work the same way when the guy is hot? And I mean hot but not gay.

      Winsome - 2012-02-25 13:47

      Yes, it does - hot guys do not like unattractive girls and treat them like "sisters" - most people judge books by covers instead of finding out about the contents. Don't we all?

  • Sinudeity - 2012-02-25 17:52

    Ur in the friend-zone. You f***ed up.

      riaan.v.rensburg - 2012-02-25 18:29

      There is a whole meme about this. See 9GAG. For help, google "Escaping the Friend Zone"

  • Mark - 2012-02-25 18:08

    There is nothing wrong with our relationship. Do not attempt to adjust the dynamic. I (by virtue of being hot) am controlling your life. If I wish to make it hell, I will ignore your calls. If I wish to make it better (or don't have a boyfriend), I will hang out with you every day. I will control the horizontal (which you will get none of). I will control the vertical (stand there and listen to my problems with OTHER guys). I can tease your heart, make it flutter. I can change the focus to a hazy blur on the edge of a romantic relationship, or sharpen it to crystal clarity to show you that you exist for my pleasure alone. For the next decade, sit quietly and I will control all that you see and hear. I repeat: there is nothing wrong with our relationship. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to — The Friend Zone.

  • chris.z.tazz - 2012-02-25 23:35

    If a fat man is not acting fat, he's gonna win the show. If a man is a good listener, he will always be a friend. If a man shows dominance and disagrees, he's not fat anymore. + and + dont work so well in personalities. You need the opposing force. Nevermind.

  • Lumko Ntshinka - 2012-02-26 05:03

    Mfxm, if we payd attention 2 everything women do, we'd blow our heads up.

  • Shaun - 2012-02-26 08:12

    There is more "poorer women" going around these days, just looking for men with bigger wallets, if you a clever man you can spot them from a mile away. I'm glad my woman is not like that - Cheers

  • Jeeves - 2012-02-26 14:18

    Darrel needs to tell her to get a dog. In her mind she already has. I really hate the whole social disparity because of genetics thing, it really is unfair! School was a friggin nightmare for me, luckily I filled out a bit in my early twenties and got a great woman to marry me but I really feel for the forever alone team. Bloody genetics - horrible idiots with good looks having it easier their whole lives because nature gave them a square jaw and abs. /rant over

      Lorenzo - 2012-02-27 08:40

      @Jeeves ... no one is born with abs. And anyone, no matter how ugly you are can have them. lol

  • Sean - 2012-02-26 14:52

    He's way camp!!

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