Finding my woema again

By admin
04 November 2013

Dating blogger Erla-Mari Diedericks looks for inspiration as she ponders the search for true love.

How far would you go to find true love? How far? This morning I listened to an advert about cars. “Why would you trade in a second-hand car for another second-hand car? Why not just buy new,” the advertiser asked. It’s like (said the advertiser) trading in you ex for the same ex.

That’s how things sometimes seem to me. I’m in the market for second-hand men. No one is new anymore. Everyone has been through a few drivers or marriages and if it’s not the engine that doesn’t work as well any more, the tyres are flat. There’s always something wrong. With some people there’s a good reason why they divorced. They simply weren’t roadworthy or fit for a relationship.

It was in this frame of mind that I went to Dullstroom in Mpumalanga last week for a week of peace and rivers, and to complete my book, The Muse. Ironically I started writing the book when I was still in a seven-year relationship. But now I find myself in the same situation as the character in my book: she’s a writer in search of inspiration – a male muse who can help her regain her writing woema.

My lovely view while I was writing.

And me . . . I was woemaless. Perhaps that’s why I took the following book from the shelf: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not – a Memoir of Finding Faith, Hope and Happily Ever After. Believe me, I’m unemployed with an 11-year-old son and I need all the above-mentioned. The book resonated a lot with me. It’s written by Trish Ryan, an attractive woman who describes how she tried anything to find love.

Like me, she eventually decided to marry out of pure desperation, and like me she ended up with a violent husband. Fortunately she and I managed to get out of our marriages, but whereas I searched for happiness on love websites, she tried everything else under the sun. She consulted star signs, did yoga and even had her flat feng shuied – all to bring the right man into her life.

Eventually she turned to the only (in her case) alternative – God and religion. Initially she felt very bad about asking God for something as silly as a life partner, but later it became increasingly clear to her that God had established not only marriage but love too. According to her God was only too happy to help her find love.

And did she find it? Oh yes. With a Christian man who asked her to marry him within a few months. Is she still happily married? She has a website so I wanted to have a look – the cynical sadist in me was convinced they’d be divorced, but then I thought no, I’m going to trust that they’re still together.

Because that’s what I also need – Faith, Hope and Happily Ever After.


Erla-Mari Diedericks is the author of the book Sin, Sushi & Survival and her latest novel, Still Standing, is now available in shops countrywide as well as at She also offers online writing courses. Click here for more information.

Find Love!