Help! We like the same guy!

By admin
19 January 2014

Don’t let boys come between you and your pals. Here’s how to keep the peace in the sisterhood.

THE DILEMMA: “We’re both into the same guy”

“Both my friend and I like a boy called Josh from school and I’m starting to feel competitive because of it, especially when I see her flirting with him in front of me! Any advice?” – Melanie

THE SOLUTION: Rather than busting out your inner meanie, rather agree to just be friendly towards each other and leave it up to him to make a move, psychologist Louise Remond says. “Avoid getting caught up in competitive antics. This is likely to be a huge turn-off for your crush.”

THE LESSON: Avoid having the same crushes as your pals by opening your eyes to the hotties who aren’t at your school.


“I have a HUGE crush on my friend’s big brother. I’ve told her and she said it was fine, but I think she may be weirded out. What should I do?” – Cleo

THE SOLUTION: You’re getting the vibe your pal is not as “fine” as she says. If you’re serious about him, you’ll have to be totally sure it’s okay with her. “Talk through scenarios such as: How would she feel if you spent more time with him than her? If you broke up, would she feel torn?” Louise advises. If she’s genuinely okay, go for it!

THE LESSON: Listen to your gut. If it could hurt a pal, don’t go there.


“One of my best friends has been going out with this really sweet, cute guy for a while and we all hang out sometimes. They’re great together but lately I’ve found myself feeling attracted to him and even had a dream about him! Help!” – Lizzie

THE SOLUTION: We can’t help who we’re attracted to, but we CAN control whether we act on it. “Remind yourself. ‘It’s okay to find him appealing, but they’re together’,” Louise says.

THE LESSON: Identify the qualities you like and look for similar guys.

THE DILEMMA: “I dislike my BFF’s guy.”

“My best friend and I were really close before she started going out with this guy. Now she brings him everywhere and we never get time for just the two of us. He’s jealous, and I think he’s a creep but she gets defensive when I bring it up.” – Ava

THE SOLUTION: You can’t control who your friend chooses to date. And you need to be careful when sharing your opinion of him as it could push her away. “Rather than criticising him personally, mention how much you miss spending time alone together. Organise some ‘girls only’ catch-ups,” Louise says. “If you’re concerned about his behaviour, get her thinking about how it affects her by asking, ‘How do you feel when he says he doesn’t want you seeing friends anymore?’”

THE LESSON: If you’re ever concerned for a pal’s wellbeing, talk to a trusted adult about it.

THE DILEMMA: “My BFF is dating my ex.”

“My best friend is going out with my ex but I still like him, and she knows it! She always tells me stuff about them and they hold hands in front of me. I try to act like I’m happy for her but I don’t feel it.” – Jade

THE SOLUTION: “She’s not showing much loyalty by dating your ex and acting affectionately with him in front of you,” Louise says. You need to let your friend know how you’re feeling. “Explain how difficult it is for you and ask her to consider this.” If nothing changes re-evaluate whether she really deserves the honour of being your ‘bestie”.

THE LESSON: The #1 girl-code rule is to never EVER hook up with a friend’s ex. There are exceptions (like if your friend is totally okay with it and it was a very long time ago), but it’s best to avoid it if possible!

THE DILEMMA: “My friend hates my BF.”

“I have a friend who’s very negative about my relationship. I thought maybe my boyfriend did something to her, but she seems to be rude for no good reason – everyone else likes him. It’s so annoying.” – Tess

THE SOLUTION: We all want our friends to get along with the person we’re head-over-heels for, so this is a major bummer. The only way to deal with it is to talk to her about it. “She may simply be adjusting to sharing you with another person and want more one-on-one time with you. Either way, if you feel happy in your relationship, don’t let this pop your love bubble!”

THE LESSON: Yep, friendships can take on a different dynamic when there’s another person in the picture (read: a shiny new BF). Remember to always make time for your friends and let them know you still heart them, no matter what.

Find Love!