Hook a first date with kindness

By admin
06 August 2014

Looking to win over your crush during your first date? Well, new research has discovered the way to achieve this and get your love interest hooked.

A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin looked into what each party responded to and what gives that initial spark, which eventually leads to sexual desire and that all important second date.

'Is it how I dress? Is it what I ask them?' you may quiz. It actually all comes down to people's perceptions of responsiveness.

The Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya, the University of Rochester, and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign all collaborated on three experiments to look into these areas.

The first study examined whether the idea of responsiveness is perceived as feminine or masculine, and how each gender reacted. Turns out men found females more attractive and feminine the more responsive they were, however women did not have the same results towards their male dates.

"Sexual desire thrives on rising intimacy and being responsive is one of the best ways to instil this elusive sensation over time," lead researcher Gurit Birnbaum explained in the findings. "Our findings show that this does not necessarily hold true in an initial encounter, because a responsive potential partner may convey opposite meanings to different people."

Next, researchers conducting the second study asked participants to interact with a responsive or non-responsive individual of the opposite sex. Each subject was given the same person's photo and they then took part in an online chat with the individual, discussing a current life problem.

The person in the photo manipulated the environment, with comments such as "You must have gone through a very difficult time" regarded as a responsive reply, versus "Doesn't sound so bad to me" as a non-responsive reply.

Again, women who were more responsive came across more sexually attractive to men. However, women were warier of males who acted more open. It seems this is a common trait in females.

"Some women, for example, may interpret responsiveness negatively and feel uncomfortable about a new acquaintance who seems to want to be close. Such feelings may impair sexual attraction to this responsive stranger. Other women may perceive a responsive stranger as warm and caring and therefore as a desirable long-term partner," Dr. Birnbaum added.

Lastly, the idea of men being more fuelled by responsiveness and become motivated in their relationship was studied. A long-term desire was triggered by men's sexual arousal towards an approachable member of the opposite sex, and even brought out female traits in themselves.

"We still do not know why women are less sexually attracted to responsive strangers; it may not necessarily have to do with 'being nice.' Women may perceive a responsive stranger as less desirable for different reasons," Dr. Birnbaum concluded. "Women may perceive this person as inappropriately nice and manipulative (i.e., trying to obtain sexual favours) or eager to please, perhaps even as desperate, and therefore less sexually appealing. Alternatively, women may perceive a responsive man as vulnerable and less dominant. Regardless of the reasons, perhaps men should slow down if their goal is to instil sexual desire."

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