‘I had a miscarriage’ – women share their heartbreaking experiences

By Kim Abrahams
24 July 2017

Here are some of the tear-jerking and uplifting accounts of women who’ve suffered a life-changing miscarriage.

The most heartbreaking tragedy for any expecting mother is losing her unborn baby.

While some women struggle with the pain of a miscarriage, others battle feelings of failure, embarrassment and fear of potentially never being able to carry a child to full-term.

And often these would-be mothers suffer in silence because of the stigma around miscarriages.

One woman hoping to break that, is Jessica Zucker, a former psychologist specialising in women’s reproductive and maternal mental health.

Jessica suffered a miscarriage of her own at 16 weeks and it was only after a personal experience with the pain of losing a baby that Jessica understood the magnitude of such a loss.

It’s the reason she’s started an Instagram page, I had A Miscarriage, which allows women to share their experiences at losing their unborn baby.

“My personal experience was a way to model for other women around the world that there is absolutely no shame in loss,” Jessica told Self.

“The research overwhelmingly points to women experiencing shame, self-blame and guilt following pregnancy and loss. I had to really think it through.”

THIS by @ashleedwells: "Mama. I didn't yike it in your belly." . _ My face softens as her brown eyes look up at me. Lashes dragging softly inside blue glasses. "What didn't you like baby?" "What do you remember?" . _ I didn't yike it in your belly, Mama. It was too quiet. I yiked it and then Aurory yeft and it was too quiet." . _ Without warning the tears come. Streaming down my cheeks as I lean back in my chair to look at her fully. So matter of factly. She remembers. "I'm sorry love. I'm sorry it was so quiet. I'm sorry sister left." . _ "Yeah. I didn't yike it Mama. Too quiet. I didn't yike it in your belly." . _ I hold her close to my chest for a quick moment before she pushes back and slides down. Determined to wrangle Doc McStuffins or dessert from my partner, her less tearful parent in the other room. _ I'm left with a gift. Stream of conscious memories from the brief window where children can recall memories and experiences from a time that seems unfathomable and simultaneously have the language to share them before they're forgotten forever. A language half human and half god from a space between two worlds. _ I sit. I breathe. Tears still falling. Grateful. Heartbroken. _ There was a time I thought I experienced alone. A time when the three of us - Aurora, Nova, and I - were one. A time when there were no boundaries between mother and child. Where hearts beat and babies swished. A time before. A time I wasn't sure she'd ever remember. Right now she does." _ #IHadAMiscarriage #twinloss #stillbirth #infantloss #grief #loss #motherhood #ttts #twintotwintransfusion #identicaltwin #pregnancy // @ashleedwells is the founder of @4thtribodies.

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on

?When you marry a rainbow baby? _ My mother-in-law's first pregnancy was smooth, much wanted, a girl. Toward the end of her pregnancy, movement lightened. She told her doctor. He assured her that everything was ok. Upon giving birth, they learned that their darling daughter had spina difida. She died within a few days. Bereft, my mother-in-law shuffled through the subsequent weeks in a fog. _ A year to the day of the birth of her daughter, she gave birth to twin boys. I'm married to a rainbow baby. _ I wonder how many people are rainbow babies and don't know it. Pregnancy loss is a quiet epidemic, a circumstance that too many sequester. Since research has given birth order so much weight, I think it would be fascinating to widen the scope to include rainbow babies and the losses that came before. _ This morning my daughter - my rainbow "baby" just shy of 3-and-a-half - came out of her room, excitedly snuggled into bed with us and said, "I'm grateful for my family!" My son promptly kissed her all over, my husband giggled, I simultaneously welled up and grew a huge smile on my face. The bittersweet beauty of rainbows. And their unique place in the family. _ RAINBOW MAMA + BABE TEES ARE AVAILABLE NOW IN WHITE AND GRAY. Link in profile. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #rainbowbaby #miscarriage #marriage #pregnancyloss #babyloss #motherhood #pregnancy #pregnancyafterloss #parentingafterloss #1in4 #infantloss #stillbirth // Photo found via @jasoncampbellstudio. Tees designed by @annerobincallig. A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on

@imlauramiller shares: "When I found out I was pregnant I cried, not out of happiness but out of terror, because I was already 2 months into the scariest depression of my life and knew I wasn't healthy enough to deal with the physical and emotional challenges of a pregnancy, much less becoming a mother. I've dealt with depression for 20+ years and am very familiar with enduring the ups and downs of life, but this was a new horrifying depth. I spent months not wanting to be alive. I haven't been able to work, and I am embarrassed about that. I have to remind myself that my accomplishments over the past 15 months are that I grew this healthy girl and that I survived. I'm now back on an antidepressant medication that saved my life once before. I don't like being on it because my ego makes me feel bad about it, and because people that don't understand think it's a cheap and easy way out. It's not. Some of us out here have brains that can't be cured from green juice and exercise and therapy, and that's ok. My warrior of a husband wrote a song about fighting through this together and it's called Joan of Arc, if you want to Spotify/google it. I love him and I love Mae. We made it out the other side and I'm going to wear color and be funny again I promise." _ #IHadAMiscarriage #motherhood #depression #mentalhealth #ppd #anxiety #speakupwhenyouredown #pregnancy #perinataldepression #womenshealth

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on

Sources: Instagram, metro.co.uk, independent.co.uk, honey.nine.com.au

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