Jealous much?

By admin
04 July 2014

We’ve all heard the saying that jealousy makes you nasty. Here’s how to deal with the green-eyed monster and preserve your pleasantness!

When *James (18) hooked up with *Amy (17) they were regarded as the cutest couple in high school. But that all changed when James started receiving texts from his ex-girlfriend.

“Before we started dating he told me that they were childhood friends and despite the break-up, they were still good friends who stayed in contact with each other,” Amy tells us.

Although she thought she could handle their friendship, she soon started stealing James’ phone to read his messages. “I also checked his social media for any bit of info. It was like I was possessed – I needed to know what was going on with them.”

Like Amy, we've all had our moments of jealousy. When your boo merely looks in the direction of the opposite sex, all you feel like doing is ripping the object of their desire’s head off, right? We spoke to Lovelife counsellor Ntombi Setemere for some ways to overcome your jealousy – it should help you be calm and collected within your relationship, instead of being a Facebook stalker!

Why do we get jealous?

Most feelings of jealousy stem from insecurity, which can be caused by past experiences – for example, not getting enough attention from a partner. People who are insecure about themselves and the value they bring to a relationship are also more prone to feelings of envy.

The fear of losing your partner is normal but obsessive or irrational fears that your partner wants to replace you with someone "better" or more desirable can be unhealthy and doom your relationship.

Can jealousy be healthy?

Jealousy can let you and your partner know what you both want and do not want in the relationship. Every relationship has its own limits, and it is up to you and your partner to define yours.

The difference between healthy and unhealthy jealousy comes down to the way you deal with it. When you start to monitor your partner's movements/whereabouts that’s when jealousy can be seen as unhealthy. It can also become unhealthy if it turns into an obsession, or takes over your life and causes irrational behaviour such as social media stalking or eye-balling your partner’s phone every time they receive a message or call.

Check yourself! 

1. Build your self-confidence to battle those moments of jealousy. Learn to appreciate your physical and psychological strengths (for example, I love the shape of my legs and my amazing personality.) This will remind you why your boo is dating you!

2. Remember that it’s okay for your partner to have friends of the opposite sex. If he/she has never given you a reason to mistrust them, then you shouldn't have to worry.

3. The foundation of any good relationship is faith and trust – build it! And grow in it.

Need help?

Struggling to overcome a challenge in your relationship? Send a Please Call Me to LoveLife's Contact Centre on 083-323-1023 and a counsellor will call you back as soon as one is available.

-       Tsakane Ndlovu


Find Love!