TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains references to sexual abuse that may upset sensitive readers.
Cape Town – Earlier in the year Disney Channel star, Bella Thorne released a poetry book in which she opens up about her "personal struggles, relationships, and wild-child lifestyle". In it, she also details how her childhood would forever be affected after being sexually abused and molested up until the age of 14.
In a new Instagram post sharing a poem from her book The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray, Bella talks to craving "validation from everyone but mostly men" and how challenging it's been to love herself in the aftermath of being molested her "whole life".
"What is wrong with me?" she begins. "Why do I always need Validation from everyone but mostly men... Everyone keeps telling me to be single, be alone, and make your self happy. But all those things sound so fucking scary to me. all I want is him. (sic)"
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What is wrong with me? Why do I always need Validation from everyone but mostly men... Everyone keeps telling me to be single, be alone, and make your self happy. But All those things sound so fucking scary to me. all I want is him. I want him to hold me, I want him to love me, I want him to tell me it's ok, I want him to look me in the eyes and let me know I'm accepted. Why? Because I can't accept myself. For some reason in my head I'm just not fucking good enough. Not good enough for him or Her or anyone else. And if it's not him I just look for the "next" him, or her Why can't I just look for the next me? Find me and accept me. Was it because I was molested my whole life. Exposed to sex at such a young age it's all I know how to offer to the world...or is it because I was raised to think I wasn't good enough. Not good enough for her or anything else. But it doesn't matter what happened to me.. What matters is whats happening to me right now. I can't blame my childhood, in fact I can't blame anyone for anything. All I can do is blame me. I blame me for not loving myself. I blame me for not thinking I'm attractive, I blame me for putting this on everyone around me. Expecting people to love me enough for me to love myself. But at the end of the day that will never happen. Because the only way to get to your end goal is to work through it. Not around or above or try and find a cheat code so you don't have to hurt as much. You have to hurt in this world. Hurting, loving, and accepting. That's what our emotional world lays on. Right now I only have one of those things. Can you guess what it is? Hurting. Right now I only hurt...but I'm not hurting for other people no I'm only hurting myself. By not loving me and by not accepting me. Usually these free handed writing bits..they have an end, but I don't have an end. I'm still figuring it out as always. So is that ok? Is it ok to know what your end goal Is but absolutely no way or idea how to achieve it. It's probably not but I can only start by accepting it. This poem is about mommy and daddy and me and you ?? #thelifeofawannabemogul
In the poem that she writes about "mommy and daddy and me and you", the actress says she craves validation because she feels like she's "just not fucking good enough". She wonders if her feelings stem from the fact that she was exposed to sex from a very young age and molested as a child.
In 2018, after the rise of the #MeToo and Times Up movements, the actress mustered up the courage to share her truth on social media.
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I was sexually abused and physically growing up from the day I can remember till I was 14..when I finally had the courage to lock my door at night and sit by it. All damn night. Waiting for someone to take advantage of my life again. Over and over I waited for it to stop and finally it did. But some of us aren't as lucky to get out alive. Please today stand up for every soul Mistreated. #timesup
Shortly after the viral post, in an interview with Under The Influence she said, "I've been thinking about saying it for a really long time. I was just very sad."
Bella said she doesn't regret sharing what happened to her and her manager told her not to delete what she'd written. "He was like, 'Is it bad? Bella, there's nothing bad about this. This is good. You are not any less of a person because this has happened to you.'," she recalled.
An emotional Bella said, "It was one of the first times someone had actually said that to me since it happened. And it really meant the world to me."
After her most recent post and the emotional poem that accompanied it, many praised the actress's honesty and courage.
Demi Lovato wrote, "So inspiring dude. And never related more. So so beautiful. Thank you for your vulnerability angel."
Paris Hilton also commented, "You are so open, honest and real. This made me cry. Love you babe."
"GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME BELLA! LOVE YAH!" wrote Patrick Schwarzenegger, while Steve Aoki responded simply: "Powerful."