Director: Luis Prieto
Starring: Halle Berry, Sage Correa
Academy Award-winner Halle Berry’s new film isn’t much of anything. What I did learn from Kidnap is that there’s no better car to chase someone in than a minivan steered by a pissed-off mom.
But don’t expect any real thrills or much of a plot.
Berry plays Karla Dyson, a divorced waitress who might be losing her six-year-old son Frankie (Sage Correa) in a custody battle. Then the two most incompetent human traffickers I’ve ever seen on screen snatch Frankie. Karla sees the two hillbillies (played by Chris McGinn and Lew Temple), which leads to a chase across New Orleans.
And that’s pretty much it for the movie.
There’s nothing unique about Kidnap – not even the title. Kidnap is Taken, except with a divorced mother instead of a retired CIA operative. What I find disturbing about the films that Berry – who is one of the producers of this flick – signs up for these days is that they almost always show her experiencing extreme physical brutality, but that’s a story for another day.
Allow me to share possibly the best worst movie scene I’ve seen – and I’m giving myself permission to share spoilers because you really shouldn’t waste your precious money on this one. After chasing the kidnappers across New Orleans, Karla finally goes to a police station to report her child missing. She’s told to wait and file a report and, as she looks at posters of missing kids on a notice board, she has an epiphany: “That’s what all these people did. They waited.”
Yep, all you people whose abducted kids are still missing are idiots just lazing around. You’ll never get your kids back! If only you were a badass mom like Karla, then you’d find your boy.
To top it off, Karla says to the kidnapper: “You took the wrong kid.”
Really? The sad thing is that one of the most stupid lines in the film is about as exciting as it’s going to get.
(Photos: Supplied/City Press)