The great Son of Nxamalala, the Jacob of Nkandla, has done it again and this time he left no room for doubt about his end game and Cabinet shuffling skills. Yours truly is only too happy that Son of Nzimande, the former loyal Msholozist, was finally shown the door for “boring the buyer” and literally falling like he once told FeesMustFallists to do.
Blade, who recently conveniently grew a conscience when Karma announced its arrival at the gates of Nkandla, attempted to hit back at the political tsunami that is Msholozi and said that he was a desperate man. Methinks that communists were evicted from the WhatsApp group without notice and the taste of sour grapes was unbearable.
Apparently, according to the Willow of Sofaya, Blade thinks he got the chop because he achieved something imaginatively along the lines of a step closer to free education.
Because the Jacob of Nkandla, Baba ka Duduzane and consistent below-averageness are in the same WhatsApp group, Msholozi saw it fit to bring in another Msholozist to replace the great Mahlobo, who once allegedly professed to knowing about the Vuwani violence beforehand but did dololo.
Son of our Mpumalanga, David of the Mahlobo clan, was finally reshuffled away from state security but unfortunately he was still within the blue-light district of the Nkandla Cabinet.
Mahlobo was substituted by another son of Mpumalanga, who was apparently chief director of integrity management in the office of our premier, DD of Mabuza clan – meaning that, prior to heading to Parliament to slumber on the leather chairs there, Bongo did a splendid job of managing the integrity of Mabuza.
So the blunt Blade fell and, unfortunately, members of that WhatsApp group, such as Bathabile and Muthambi, remained. It was only befitting that yours truly convene a special AGM of the congregants of Asphuzeni Stokvel to mark the sweet-sour occasion. Naturally, the fundraising duties were designated to all the financially excluded unemployed students on every street corner in this wonderful township of mine.
With Number One having proved that he lacks forgiveness and totally suffocates haters, even that cowardly rand of ours bowed to his re-reshuffling skills.
With the celebration agenda already set and Sister Bettinah’s Tavern ready to host the father of all sessions, the Willow of Sofaya and Son of Mokone, Silas of Lebowakgomo, arrived at my tin castle to alert me that apparently the axing of the Blade was a damp squib. Bathabile and Muthambi were untouched and will retain their blue lights.
Yours truly is convinced the ruling party has a dictionary of its own, with its own definitions of words such as dignity, integrity, service delivery, capture and the likes.
Arriving at Sister Bettinah’s fully packed joint, yours truly realised the venue had more victims of Blade than my middle-aged stokvel members and more brown bottles than SAB’s own year-end closing party.
With the throats well-wetted and logic lubricated with the good drink of the gods, the Son of Nkwanyana let it known that apparently Son of Zwane, Mangethe of the Mines, shut down a mine in Rustenburg that belonged to the owners of Platinum Stars, the Royal Bafokeng group, in the bland of Supra.
Now Zwane was apparently sent to shut down the Bafokeng mine after it cut ties with a company that has close ties with our presidential handlers from Saxonwold, the G-brothers.
Nkwanyana also said Zwane had earlier in the week told the parliamentary sleepists that they were obsessed with the G-brothers. Mewonders if he thinks the FBI is obsessed too.
At the very height of the glory of the inebriation, Son of Ramaube, the Prayer of Pench, announced to all and sundry that he once correctly predicted that the only thing the ANC alliance has proven to be able to deliver without fail is T-shirts during elections.
Son of Ramaube, who was also almost a victim of Blade, said he also read in a woke Sunday newspaper that allegedly a certain regressive company linked to M-Net issued a public advertisement for a job that was specifically for white people. Apparently the whites-only advert was from a company called Kandhi Consulting. Menotes the racism and Asphuzeni will deliver a protest to such premises soon, obviously just before elections, for control.
Sister Bettinah, who was awfully quiet for the entire session, probably because she knew I knew her little secret of the bootlegging business venture she was milking, suddenly said she also read in the woke media that a tavern in the Vaal was selling holy water similar to our own blessed SAB beverage and she was think of hiring a bishop to bless all beers bought from her joint.
Obviously, the natural choice was yours truly as no one this side of the Thaba Chweu was more versed in inebriant sanctification than me so I fully accepted the job as the archbishop of Sister Bettinah’s shebeen.
After reaching the bottom of all the beer bottles on site and in sight, diligently seeking, as we always do, solutions to this curse of democracy we call home, yours truly crawled back to my castle to attempt to unshuffle the nightmare Number One created.
• Majakathata the Rogue is a comrade, director of Nahab (National Association of Husbands and Boyfriends) and chairperson of Asphuzeni Stokvel in Skomplaas, Mashishini. He pens in his personal capacity as a veteran patron of SAB.