Why the Boks must beat the All Blacks again

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Simnikiwe Xabanisa
Simnikiwe Xabanisa

The Springboks’ shock victory over the All Blacks in Wellington – nine years after their last win in that country – has given downtrodden Bok fans like this columnist reason to walk with a little strut on social-media streets.

And, in true Bok fan style, instead of getting cold shivers from fearing the backlash in the return Rugby Championship fixture at Loftus Versfeld on Saturday, we’re out here saying the next best thing to beating the All Blacks once in a blue moon is beating them again.

Here are a few reasons the Boks must, to quote the youth, do the things again:

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To punish them for that Wellington Haka

Because the result tends to be a given against the All Blacks, us long-suffering fans have begun to take comfort from whether you get the Ka Mate or Kapa O PangoHaka.

If you get the former, it’s just another day at the office for the Blacks. If you get the latter, they suspect you might stretch them into the final 20.

Imagine our indignation when we got the Ka Matebefore the miracle of Wellington a fortnight ago. I mean, really?

For the patronising guys at the breakdown

Dutifully, we watch New Zealand’s version of the old Boots ’n All, and Goldie (Jeff Wilson) and the boys routinely pat us on the head, telling us they wish the Boks would make things more competitive than one win in New Zealand every 10 years.

So why the long faces after the Boks’ win? I like them better when they’re not acting all big brotherly.

No more Legacy, please

Career losers like this columnist have had it with being ordered to elevate ourselves by reading Legacy, the best-seller written to get to the bottom of why the All Blacks are such serial winners.

Having looked at the “15 All Black Principles”, I struggle with grandiose and vague items like “Invent your own language”, “Be a good ancestor” and “Keep a blue head”.

I already sweep my own shack because I can’t afford help, but I think living up to the “No Dickheads” rule is a bit ambitious.

The Springboks’ shock victory over the All Blacks in Wellington – nine years after their last win in that country – has given downtrodden Bok fans like this columnist reason to walk with a little strut on social-media streets.

To restrict Steve Hansen’s SA utterings to rugby

As a coach, Steve Hansen’s like Pai Mei from Kill Bill Vol 2.

So when he decides to wade in glibly on transformation with nothing but the word of a coach (Heyneke Meyer) who appeared reluctant to play a part in making the Springboks representative of this country, it furthers the daft belief held in many quarters of our rugby world that the Boks should be picked from 8% of our population.

So the All Blacks know their Dyantyis from their Le Rouxs

Judging by TJ Perenara and Kieran Read’s observations that it was Willie le Roux and not Aphiwe Dyantyi who dislodged the ball from Damian McKenzie’s hands in the final play in Wellington, the All Blacks have been so superior to the opposition that they don’t even know who they’re playing against, regardless of one being black and the other being white.

Another loss to the Boks might help them identify their opponents if they come across them on the street.

To put an end to Pieter-Steph’s cowboys do cry routine

Having possibly shed a tear ourselves at the conclusion of that game in Wellington, we’ve decided it’s allowable for Pieter-Steph du Toit to have shown his emotions by crying openly after winning his first game in New Zealand.

But, as a senior member of the Bok side – a lock following in the footsteps of Bakkies Botha, nogal– what example is Pieter-Steph setting for a budding hardebaard like RG Snyman?

The only cure for this blubbering is winning more games against the All Blacks.

To shut up the All Blacks fans in SA

I have to declare up front that some of my best friends are All Blacks fans.

But I find their being on a nickname basis with all the All Blacks coaches over the years (Ted, Shag, etc), referring to the Blacks as “us” and “we” and whining incessantly about how sponsor AIG’s name ruins their precious black jersey – as if it’s an heirloom from their fathers – a little over the top.

If only they’d been more protective of the land.

sports@citypress.co.za

Follow me on Twitter @Simxabanisa

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