Full body massage every time we have sex - is it too demanding?

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Reader: My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years, but we only started having sex recently. I don’t feel him in bed; there is no pleasure on my side at all, yet he feels it and gets his orgasm. I have never reached orgasm with him, but with my previous partner I would feel and reach orgasm. He was smoking weed when we started dating but I advised him to stop using it and he is making good progress. Could it be me who has a problem or am I hiding behind saying that it’s the weed that is taking away the sweetness I am supposed to feel?

Jade: You must remember that what works with one partner may not work with another. It may take you some time to adjust and get used to the swing of things with your new lover. Also, explore the idea of introducing toys to stimulate your clitoris while your boyfriend penetrates you. Be open and honest with him about what you want and need more of in the bedroom to help you reach climax.

Reader: I have a very strong gag reflex. Any tips on how to give my partner blowjobs?

Jade: If you’re struggling to put your partner’s member in its entirety in your mouth because of an urge to gag, use your hand to complement your mouth. Make sure he is well lubricated and remember to have your hand and mouth move in the same direction.

Reader: I really want your help here. My girlfriend adores anal sex. Is this behaviour normal? Also, I take really long to ejaculate. I once thought it was because of the prolonged foreplay my boo and I have; could this be the reason?

Jade: Enjoying anal sex is perfectly normal behaviour and nothing to be concerned about. Be sure to use ample lubricant and protection in the form of a condom, as anal sex is more high risk when it comes to spreading sexually transmitted diseases, as there is more likely to be bleeding. As for your taking a while to climax, there are a few possibilities, two of which could include medication or supplements you’re taking, and your being worried about having anal sex and its potential dangers. Relax and remember to have a good time.

Reader: Every time we have sex I ask my husband for a full body massage. He’s getting tired of giving all the massages. Am I being too demanding?

Jade: A full body massage can be a lot of work. A five-minute back rub and some foreplay isn’t a big ask. But perhaps try to mix it up, have other forms of foreplay that involve both of you giving and receiving for longer so he feels more included. A massage now and again isn’t demanding at all.

Reader: I can’t seem to come when my boyfriend’s penis is inside my vagina. I can come on my own, for example when he squeezes his hand or arm on my vagina. What could be wrong?

Jade: Only about 25% of women will reach orgasm from penetration. You are perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong. You climax from the pressure and stimulation of your clitoris by his hand. He or you can stimulate your clitoris during penetration so you can reach orgasm in this way too.

Do you have a question for Jade? 
SMS the keyword SEX and your question to 35697. You can also email trending@citypress.co.za. SMSes cost R1.50. Please include your name and province

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