With the moon well covered, Ramaposer – in keeping up with tradition at Mahlamba Ndlopfu – announced the Cabinet reshuffle almost at midnight. It was as shocking and disappointing as his dance moves.
It was also hot on the heels of the refreshing wedding of Son of Marule and Daughter of Pheeha in Praktiseer, and yours truly had led his Asphuzeni faithfuls back to his beloved Mashishing where, true to the fast pace of development in Skomplaas, a new drinking hole was opened.
Ga-Skwax was its name. It was owned by some fellow birth-named Khutjo Sekwaila from Flora, some former suburb in Pietersburg in Northern Province.
Obviously the fellow, having been well briefed of the township ritual, had prepared a good pig head and numerous cases of SAB’s brown-bottled brew to open the eyes and ears of the ancestors of Mashishing through yours truly’s throat.
With the inebriant beginning to make its systematic presence felt, out of the blue, Son of Voto – Mndiyata, a refuge from Stanger – raised his emptied bottle and raised his watered voice to all and sundry. He, like Msanzi’s most reliable source, Son of Malema, knew who Ramaposer was going to appoint beforehand, he said.
“I tell you comrades, Comrade Ramaposer confided in me and actually offered me a Cabinet post to be the Minister of Borotho (bread) and land repossession but I declined because this tavern makes more money,” said Skwax.
Skwax also said he was told by the Ramapostponer of Khoroni that the reason he moved the two Dlaminis to his office was so that the Jacob of Nkandla could witness his number one defenders defending his predecessor.
With the brew well topped up in the new fellow’s head, Son of Mokone, the Mpho of Lebowakgomo, let it be known that apparently Son of Mbalula, the Fikile of the Free State, was relocated to the Johannesburg CBD from the police and my favourite, Ndosi, the one and only Mr Stomach-in Chest-out Cele was made minister of the copshops.
Son of Mongale, the Willow of Sofaya, suggested we migrate from the new joint to the house of Dludla, the medical doctor native of Nongoma, whose days as a bachelor of note were said to be numbered, courtesy of a rose he picked in a garden back in his home province.
Now Son of Dludla, Phelelani – like a economic refuge in these part of Msanzi – welcomed us with the best SAB has to offer and indeed the brew bred good conversations. While the joy of the immortal waters of wisdom was at its peak, Son of Nkwanyana, the Mduduzi of Etshodo, also another Zulu refugee, said he read in the woke papers that the former Prasa boss Lucky Montana was said to have been behind the burning of those trains.
Son of Nkwanyana also said Letsatsi-Duba, our new spy boss, was a snitch no so long ago herself. Me wonders if she can be trusted at all ….
Between the fact that we have a spy spying on spies and then our host medic announced that his drink of choice was fermented grapes from the southern tip of Azania, the day was getting heavier by the minute. So yours truly adjourned the gathering and ordered that we head to the house of Matloga, at Cashgate City, the newest settlement of my beloved Skomplaas.
At the house of Matloga, his eye candy of a daughter, Sewela, treated us to a well-deserved beer feast and with Pierats of Orlando winning against the English Academy of Naturena, it was a gathering to remember.
While still dunked in the glory of the SAB’s finest golden brew, the brown bottled juice of the Gods, Sewela, who is herself a woke somebody, let it be known that apparently in her ancestral land of Polokwane, polony was killing people and South Africans were apparently being wary of the wrong Russians.
According to her, there’s a factory in that city that produces Listerine-or-something-like-that polony and also Russians that have been know to have deadly tastes.
However, the shocking consequence was not that Vladimir Putin has nothing to do with the Russian deaths, but that Kotas and bunnychows as we know and love them may cease to exist. Heartbreaking revelation indeed, but then again the Listerine announcement by Dr Aaron Motsoaledi may just be a trick to get us to eat healthy.
Daughter of Matloga also told us that she heard over the wireless that apparently the once mighty Black Business Council may be breaking up again and one of their leaders was suspended for refusing to vouch for GuptaTV.
With listeriosis-armed Russians killing people and kotas, obviously my shack castle bedroom was calling. The solutions for this cowntry were not at the bottom of the bottles that day but it would not hurt to try again tomorrow.
• Majakathata the Rogue is a comrade, director of Nahab (National Association of Husbands and Boyfriends) and chairperson of Asphuzeni Stokvel in Skomplaas, Mashishing.