Dear Ntsiki Mazwai, size don’t matter

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Ntsiki Mazwai
Ntsiki Mazwai

Why should a man’s entire being be measured in centimetres, asks Fikile-Ntsikelelo Moya

Dear Ntsiki,

Alot has been said about your views on the male genitalia.

Let me cut to the chase and assume that you are right. What then? Why should the national average size of the penis matter?

At the time of writing, the Covid-19 coronavirus infections had passed the 2 million mark globally and here we are worried and angry that someone is unimpressed with the penis size of their countrymen.

Your views about penis sizes leaves me cold. I wish I did not have to write this, but the reaction I have seen on the matter will not allow me to keep silent.

Clearly the intention to emasculate seems to have worked. And that is a great pity.

I assume that you have heard or read of stories of how black men’s encounters with whiteness has resulted in their emasculation in virtually every area of life.

From the moment of colonialism, black men have had to battle to assert their masculinity. They have seen the role they thought was divinely ordained of being providers and defenders of the land and the family undermined by the better, more efficient firepower of the colonial powers.

Unfortunately, it is women in the path of the emasculated black man who stand to endure the last, pitiful attempt to exert his masculinity.
Fikile-Ntsikelelo Moya

Once vanquished, black men were squashed into dormitories, packed like sardines and deprived of any sense of space or dignity.

Grown men became boys in the gardens and homes of their white overlords. The stories of how black men were stripped naked at the “pass office” sometimes by white males young enough to be their sons and, other times, in the presence of their own sons, are legendary.

You might also have heard about how the white madams, intrigued by their own created image of black virility, exploited their “boys” sexually. Men caught in such escapades would almost always be charged with rape and executed upon conviction.

I am happy to accept that some elements of masculinity were and are still toxic. The idea that to be a man is to defend your land and fend for your family being one such example.

My point is that, after all these years of systematic emasculation and weaponisation of the penis, I have decided that nobody will emasculate me without my permission.

Too much pain and hurt has been had in the name of defending masculinity and the penis. I have participated in it myself, I am ashamed to say.

I was raised in a context where men were more likely to be offended by being deemed feminine than being accused of being a paedophile. Perhaps it is a slight exaggeration, but I hope you get where I am going with this.

It has to stop somewhere. We need to raise a generation of men who do not measure their worth on the size of their penis. Or their wallet, for that matter.

We need to say to our sons and nephews that their humanity is not dependent in any way on their sexual prowess – assuming that the issue with penis size is to address that matter.

Put crudely, we need to raise a generation of men who know that they can be terrible lovers, imperfect providers and useless with a knobkerrie, without that making their humanity any less. What must count is, to quote Martin Luther King Jr, the content of their character.

At least with that there is something each of us can do. We are not beholden to the caprice that is the genes lottery.

I would like to see a day when penis size is as irrelevant as the size of our ears. I have no mandate speaking for anyone, less so for women, but I hope that in their search for male partners they will look for values such as a sense of industry, purpose, respect for the inherent dignity of their partner and see themselves as partners in the programme of their development as individuals and as a couple.

At the time of writing, the Covid-19 coronavirus infections had passed the 2 million mark globally and here we are worried and angry that someone is unimpressed with the penis size of their countrymen.
Fikile-Ntsikelelo Moya

You see, Ntsiki, the emasculation of the black man has served its purpose. Unfortunately, it is women in the path of the emasculated black man who stand to endure the last, pitiful attempt to exert his masculinity.

To that extent, the emasculation of the black guy is not an end in itself. It speaks to the violence at home and on the streets.

I am loath to come across as asking you, or any woman, to take responsibility for what men do. But please do not feed the beast.

Those men you have offended also need to take stock. They need to ask themselves why their entire being must be measured in centimetres.

For if that is all they can offer their society, then we have far bigger problems than the penis enlargement cream – if it works – can ever solve.

Moya is a former deputy editor at City Press

  • voices@citypress.co.za



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