We are waiting for Mokonyane to pick up the rand

Nomvula Mokonyane
Nomvula Mokonyane

Zuma Jnr was exposed as an alleged blesser of note but the Sunday scribes, yours truly, is happy for the young Zuma because at least he got the much sought after nudes some comrades at the Union Buildings have been seeking. Congrats young man, well done, now bring back our money!

Now the whole of my beautiful Skomplas, in Mashishing, knows I don’t care much for the Cape and its racist tendencies and my honourable drinking subjects apparently were expecting me to celebrate the drought that dawned up upon the province of madam with a decent session of a few good bottles of brandy, for control nje, but were disappointed I did not.

“Cde Majakathata, sphuza nin’ because Zille is suffering on the other side,” said that heavy smoking chimney called Habashwe, a Lesotho native who seemingly forgot the road back home.

According to Habashwe, he was expecting me to fund a round or six at the newly opened Saxonwold Shebeen, a drinking hole which was the pride of the entire Mashishing until that Gupta-linked Bluetooth, the brother of our very corrupt councillor, opened another shebeen that provides a car wash facility for our largely pedestrian community.

Now, under normal circumstances any misfortune that visits Zille I would celebrate, like any economic refugee would. But this time Zille is being dealt with by the Son of Mymoney and that is sufficient. Viva Mymoney!

While on that sad Cape note, Knysna burnt and the colluding corporates coughed up millions of rands in relief. We thank those thieves. We shall wait for that courtesy to be replicated when other neighbourhoods in other parts of Mzansi burn.

Now the Son of Majakathata the great, that is, yours truly, has noticed that there seem to be a public debate on whether or not to legalise the oldest profession.

Well, I don’t think there should be a debate, it’s a no-brainer. Those ladies of the night offer essential services and we have no right to deny their much valued clients (most of whom are councillors and politicians of course) the privilege of letting off steam in the dark corner of our democracy.

However, the great me thinks they, like the churches and the good weed of Mary Jane (dagga), should be taxed so that the price of my wonder beer does not go up.

So the yellow-suit gentleman heading Stats SA announced that our GDP is in the dogs, alternatively meaning the rand has gone to the dogs and that buttocks defender of a minister, Nomvula Mokonyane, and her congress of Zumanites must pick it up as promised. We are waiting ...

Me, I don’t know much of these economic stuff but I will definitely take issue if the price of my beloved cold beverage goes up. I vow to mobilise the mother of all marches if the South Africa Brewery adds one more rand to the price of my beloved brown bottled alcoholic sweetheart of a quart. Mokonyane better pick up that rand before I lead the masses of my stokvel (many of whom are Ben10s of course) to her doorstep.

Just when I thought I have seen it all then I read about a certain Sipho Masondo, he of the poverty-stricken fourth estate deployed at Media Park, who rejected millions in bribes in order to expose our rand-saving minister of hosepipes and drains or something along those lines.

Yours truly is definitely too sober for this kind of truth and a bottle or three of colourless Russian courage might be helpful. Bravo to Masondo, drinks on you! (since you rejected the resources that could have been used for our SAB supplies)

MeThinks son of Masondo should be lobbied for public office, of course on condition that he redirects those bribing blessers of Mokonyane to our honourable fully stocked tavern where the millions can ensure no dry throat is in sight until the Jesus of the ANC returns to fetch what’s his, and his sibling former angel collects Twitter, the internet and those Godforsaken thieving politicians too.

Majakathata the Rogue is a comrade, director of Nahab (National Association of Husbands and Boyfriends) and chairperson of Asphuzeni Stokvel in Skomplaas, Mashishini. He pens in his personal capacity as a veteran patron of SAB.

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