HOW DO I TELL HIM?
I’m a 22-year-old HIV-positive woman. I found out after giving birth to my first baby. I’m living with my 31-year-old boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell him. I’m not sure how he’ll react and I’m scared he might get aggressive.
Finding out you’re HIV-positive is never easy. It can be very traumatic, especially if you didn’t get the proper pre- and post-test counselling. But it’s good you know your status early enough so you can take the necessary precautions and make healthy life choices.
I suggest you seek help at your nearest voluntary counselling and testing centre or call loveLife on 0800-121-900 so you can talk to a counsellor who can advise you about disclosure. You’ll need to encourage your partner to get tested too.
FOLLOWER OF FASHION
I live in Lesotho and I’ve been given a yellow-gold ring for my wedding, which is happening soon. I like uniqueness but it has come to my attention that a lot of brides are opting for silver or white-gold, so now I’m confused. Should I choose something different? Will people say I’m outdated?
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. People are unique and whether something is a trend or not, a person’s preference should always come first. Your ring signifies your partner’s love and your union, and if you love it that’s all that matters. You’re the one who’s going to be wearing it so don’t bother yourself about what other people say.
I CAN’T LOVE MYSELF
I’m a 30-year-old single mom and I need help because I have very low self-esteem. I seem to be angry and negative most of the time, and I can’t let go of the past because I find it hard to forgive. I don’t really like myself and this scares me because my son is growing up and I need to set a good example.
As we grow up we sometimes go through traumatic experiences that affect us even when we’re adults. These events can also affect our character and I think that’s what has happened to you. You’re right – you do need to heal and let go so you can love yourself and teach your children the value of self-love. I suggest you get help from LifeLine – call them on 0861-322-322 to set up an appointment with a counsellor.
IS HE ASHAMED OF ME?
I’m 32 and gay. Three years ago I started a relationship with the brother of one of my friends. The guy moved in with me and everything was good until I realised he’s bisexual. He’s adamant now that he’s straight and likes women, yet he sleeps with me. I’m deeply in love with him. When we’re alone he declares his undying love for me but in public he’s a different person.
He introduced me as his cousin to a girl he wanted to date. She became his girlfriend, until she found out about us. He also had a nyatsi who heard we were together from the girlfriend. The whole episode has left me bitter and sad. He tells me he won’t ever leave me as he doesn’t want me having relationships with other guys, yet he’s trying to rebuild his relationships with the girlfriend and nyatsi.
I’ve told him to stay away from me but he refuses. He’s admitted to a friend he’s bisexual and very much in love with me, and he says these girls are only in his life to please society. I know this relationship is bad for me but I love him.
Your partner is selfish and inconsiderate. He’s using you – and you’re allowing it. Continuing to be a part of this love triangle is self-inflicted abuse. He can’t have his bread buttered on both sides. You need to speak to him about his behaviour and tell him he can’t expect you to be happy about the double life he’s leading.
If he really loves you he wouldn’t hide his relationship with you. He needs to make a decision. If he can’t openly be with you, the least he can do is release you so you can find someone who’ll appreciate you.
PREGNANT AND ALONE
I’m a 22-year-old girl and I’m almost four months pregnant with twins. The father doesn’t care and I don’t know how to tell my mom about it. I’m thinking of having an abortion but I’m not really sure what I want.
The babies growing inside you need you to be healthy both physically and emotionally, so you really need some support during this time. Abortion is an option if you feel you’re not ready to be a mother, but there are others too, like adoption. You could talk to an elder you trust and ask that person to tell your mother on your behalf. If the father still doesn’t care after the babies are born, apply for maintenance at your nearest magistrate’s court.