"He's threatening to send our sex tape to my family if I don't take him back"



Myself and my ex-boyfriend didn't end our relationship on good terms. He was cheating and when I found out, I broke it off. But he still wants to be with me.

He is the jealous type and doesn't want me to be with anyone else. Now he is threatening to share our sex pictures and video with my family and friends if I don’t take him back. I thought I had moved on and I never want him back in my life. How can I stop him? REVENGE VICTIM


Mandisa Muruge, a counsellor at The Family Life Centre’s Lenasia South office, says: “So your ex is blackmailing you into another relationship with him by threatening to release the videos and pictures of you when the two of you were making love?

Read more: 'My girlfriend wants to be with me and her ex - what do I?'

If you go back to him because of the fear of being exposed, what kind of relationship will that be? Your ex-boyfriend is trying to hold on to what is no longer there. You cannot be forced in to a relationship if you don’t want to be in that relationship anymore. What your ex is doing is a crime on its own – blackmailing a person is a criminal offence.

You can stop him from exposing you by getting a protection order against him, which you can get from your nearest magistrate’s court. Mention everything you don’t want him to do on the piece of paper that the court will give to you to write your statement on. Whatever you mention in that statement will be presented in court.

The police will deliver the protection order to him. Should he expose you anyway after being made aware of the court order, he can spend time in jail. Next time, be careful of what you do with the person you are in a relationship with. Treat this as a lesson for future relationships. You could seek counselling should you feel overwhelmed by this experience.”   

Read more: My boyfriend admits that he’s cheating on me with a married woman



You can apply for an interdict in court. Posting nudes without the consent of the other person is a crime in South Africa. Go open a criminal case against him because he is intimidating you.


Your boyfriend is a coconut brain who doesn’t have respect for things that happened in private. Get an interdict against him. Don’t get back together with him and don’t do videos and photos again.


I still fail to understand why people should record themselves having sex. That’s the most intimate and sacred moment between a couple. The memories are best kept in the heart.


Don’t stop him. Let him do whatever. Yes, they will see but at least he will never have anything to threaten you with again. You don’t want to be blackmailed for the rest of your life.  

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