‘His family keeps comparing me to his ex – help’



I am a 24-year-old woman and I have been dating a 27-year-old man for eight months. When I met him, he had just came out of a three-year relationship. His family loved his ex-girlfriend because she used to help out with the house chores when she visited the family home. However, I don’t do this. I like sleeping and having quality time with my boyfriend, and now his family does not like me. They are comparing me to his ex-girlfriend and I feel like they want me to be someone I am not. What should I do? ANONYMOUS, MIDRAND


Mandisa Muruge, who is counselling social worker at Family Life Centre in Johannesburg, says, “When you go to your boyfriend’s place, you are not going there to enslave yourself in order to buy his family’s affection. As a woman, there are reasonable things you can do as a visitor. You cannot be forced into doing house chores because you are in a relationship with their son. You can help whenever you want to help; it is not fair for the family to expect you to work like a helper. Talk to your boyfriend about this matter and he must intervene. He must make sure you are comfortable, but this does not mean that you can leave dishes lying around in his room or refuse to tidy up areas you use like his room.”



You’ve been dating for eight months, it is too soon to be acting like a makoti. As for the parents, they were spoilt by the first girl. If their son really wanted her, he should have married her. 


Sleeping and spending quality time with your boyfriend is good. But you must remember that you are at his family home, and not his house. You better wake up and become active before they find another girl for their son. 


I bet this relationship is not going anywhere because there is already a disconnection. The only problem here is you. How can you sleep all the time? Who will make breakfast for you? Will your mamazala wake up and make food for you? You are unreasonable

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