How do I get my partner’s family to like me instead of the ex?

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(PHOTO: Getty/Gallo Images)
(PHOTO: Getty/Gallo Images)

His family favour the ex

Question

I’m 31, my boyfriend is 32. Our relationship hasn’t been easy, as we have a lot of haters, but we’re both trying very hard to make it work. When we first met he was staying with his ex but she moved back to her parents’ home after all their fights finally ended their relationship. We started dating then, but four months later she came back. It was too late because she could see he’d moved on. She left again but returned a while ago because she’s still close to his family.

Since then she’s spread rumours about me and sends her friends to visit my boyfriend to persuade him to go back to her. I confronted my boyfriend about this, and he called a meeting with his family and the ex. I wasn’t part of the meeting and now all the family reject me.

My boyfriend says this is because they believe if I wasn’t around, he’d get back with his ex. I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend and I want to try to make things right with the family for his sake. But I feel confused because they don’t know me very well and yet they chose to side with his ex.

Answer

What a chaotic situation this is – and all because his family doesn’t want to accept you. Your man needs to know that in life you can never make everyone happy. That knowledge should help him decide who is important to him. His family is being selfish, as it looks like they want to force his hand about who he lives with and loves.

They cannot make such decisions for him. If he has chosen you, they should accept that choice. It’s up to him to put his foot down so they know they are not allowed to meddle in his life in such a way.

In most cases it is important to have honest communication with you partner. The GoodTherapy suggests that you need to talk to your partner about how much involvement you want to have with his family. Also, work on building a positive relationship and focus on the good things and that’s how you will gain the family’s trust.

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