"I love my boyfriend but I don’t enjoy the sex – how should I tell him?"

Photo: Getty Images/Gallo Images
Photo: Getty Images/Gallo Images



I’m not enjoying sex with my boyfriend, who is great in every other way. I love being with him and certainly don’t want to break up, but I don’t know what to do. Sex was okay in the beginning and I thought we’d be able to make it better. But now the only way I enjoy it is to fantasise that I’m doing it with someone else. This can’t be good. Please help.


Sometimes when a couple has been together for a long time intimacy becomes predictable and boring. It’s then the duty of both parties to make sure they spice up their lovemaking, and the only way to do this is to communicate. Once you start talking you might discover he feels the same way and also finds sex between the two of you unexciting. But if you’re the only one who feels this way it will be more tricky and you’ll need to find a way to talk about what’s going on. Tread carefully and approach matters in a kind and respectful way. Avoid using words that may sound like you’re accusing him of being inadequate. Sexual dissatisfaction is a very sensitive topic and can easily bruise a person’s ego. Good luck.

Refinery29 also suggests that yelling at your partner about the matter will not help but ‘we’ statements such as “We should spice up our sex life”, should rather be used when communicating. Stating it that way, without anger, gives your partner space to also explain where they’re coming from and to become more open with you.