“My boyfriend goes back to his wife every December holidays”

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Photo(Getty images/Gallo Images)
Photo(Getty images/Gallo Images)

Question

BOYFRIEND SPENDS DECEMBER HOLIDAYS WITH WIFE AND KIDS

I’m a 30-year-old woman from Joburg living with my married boyfriend from the Eastern Cape. I met him when he relocated here for his new job and we’ve been living together for four years. A few days ago, he sent me to buy Christmas clothes for his kids back home, pay for his accounts and send money to his wife.

Every December holidays, he goes back home to spend time with his family. I feel like his doormat because I’m already doing all the wifely duties. I’ve been patiently waiting for him to leave his wife but nothing is happening. Should I leave this relationship or tell his wife everything.

MOVE! READERS ADVISE

AGNES MASHASHANE

 Trust me, every woman in a rural area whose husband is working far away from home knows that they have someone looking after their needs. This man is never going to leave his family for you. 

NANGOTHO ZANDAMELA

Thank goodness you have realised that you are his doormat and nothing good will ever come out of this relationship. You are wasting your time and just a messenger with benefits.

LYDIA SETHUNYA

You should be ashamed of yourself. You know that he is married, but you still choose to be his 'doormat'. You wouldn't be in this mess if you didn't agree to date him in the first place. He owes you nothing unless he decides to take you as his second wife.

PEARL COZA

You stayed with this man knowing that he has a family back home. Now you expect him to leave his wife? What about the innocent children back home? It's crazy women like you who end up killing people to get what they want.

EXPERT ADVICE

Counselling social worker from The Family Life Centre in Lenasia, Mandisa Muruge, says, “What I like about this situation is the fact that your boyfriend did not hide anything from you. He made you aware from the beginning that he has a family that he loves.

He will never leave his family for you. You are making yourself his doormat; he is just stepping onto the mat that you put out there for him. Now you are bitter about the situation. You are hoping that the only way that he will leave his wife is by telling the wife the truth about your relationship. Doing that will never help you win him over. Instead, he will resent you.”

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