'My children won’t grow up and be responsible – what do I do? '

Photo: Getty Images/Gallo Images
Photo: Getty Images/Gallo Images



I’m so worried about my kids. They’re all grown up – they’re 27, 29 and 32 – but they still behave like babies. Not one of them is married or even in a good relationship, even though my girl and eldest boy have children. 

And they don’t have good jobs sometimes they don’t work at all. They seem to prefer parties to the workplace. What can I do to get them back on the right track?


As parents we sometimes feel like we’ve failed when our adult children just don’t seem to reach the independence milestone. If you’ve put a roof over their heads, food on the table and clothes on their backs as they grew up, you’ve done your part. You’ve also made sure they got an education and instilled values in them. 

They’re adults now and should fend for themselves. I suggest you talk to them about the future and indicate your concerns to them. Be gentle and don’t label them as disappointments. They should be living in their own places and looking after or starting their own families soon.

If they keep staying in your house it could very well cause problems when you are gone. They might end up fighting for ownership of the house. If you haven’t done it already, you should think about drawing up a will.

There are ways to cope with an adult child living at home, here’s 3 other professional advice you can use. 

According to Empowering Parents, you should establish and discuss household rules with them – these rules should be aligned with your values, structure, and moral authority. These are the rules should never be subjected to change and should always apply.

Psychology Today suggests that you should be a supportive parent not an enabler, Love your children. But remember that loving your children does not mean enabling them.  It means holding them accountable for their behaviour and refusing to allow him the power to dismantle the family.

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