‘My girlfriend cheated on me 7 years ago – how do I forgive her?’

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(PHOTO: Getty/Gallo)
(PHOTO: Getty/Gallo)

HOW CAN I FORGIVE HER?

Question

I’m a 32-year-old man and I’ve just found out my girlfriend was cheating on me before we had a baby seven years ago. I love her and need your advice on how to handle this because I’m not happy and I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive her.

Answer

When trust is broken it’s not easy to mend, but the first thing you should do is find out if what you suspect is true. You need to make sure you’re making decisions based on fact and not rumour.

This is something that could change the way you feel about someone you love so make sure you know the facts.

Besides, keeping this to yourself and not discussing it with your partner will only cause you more stress. When you talk about it, you need to let her know how it makes you feel. This is the correct way for you both to begin the healing process.

Don’t ask for details of the affair – what was done and what wasn’t done – that will just cause more pain on both sides.

You need to know if it happened then find a way forward from how you feel about it. If it does turn out to be true, there’s no justification for what she’s done but talk to her with an open mind. Don’t have any preconceived ideas about the whole affair.

You still love her, so with the right approach, determination and a forgiving heart I’m sure you’ll be able to get past all this and enjoy your relationship with her again.

MY FRIEND HATES ME

Question

I’m a 21-year-old woman and have a childhood friend whom I adore. I’ve always been there when she needed me. I even stole my sister’s clothes so she could look good when she had nothing to wear.

Recently I tried to spoil her by taking her for a special lunch at a nice hotel for her birthday so she’d know how much I appreciate her friendship.

But now I’ve discovered my friend has started to gossip about me, saying horrible things and I’m so confused. Of all people, why would my dear friend do this? I feel so hurt and angry.

 I’ve stopped answering her messages but she’s still trying to contact me. The problem is whenever I think about this I just burst into tears – I didn’t know she hated me so much. What should I do?

Answer

It hurts when you do things for people and give of yourself only to find out it’s not appreciated. Before you cause yourself any more heartache over what you think your friend has been saying, you should first try to find out whether it’s true.

Has she really been saying these terrible things about you? Sometimes in situations like these you discover that there are other people involved – people who don’t like or are jealous of your friendship – and that they’re the ones spreading rumours.

If you can’t get to the bottom of this by yourself, then you need to talk to your friend about what you’ve heard. She needs to come clean with you and tell you the truth.

If you then find out there’s some truth in all this, you’ll need to accept that she’s an ungrateful person and you should cut her out of life. You don’t need people who carry such negative vibes and you’ll be better off without her.

DOES HE LOVE ME?

Question

I’m in a relationship with this guy who has three kids from his previous relationship. My problem is he says he loves me but now and then he’ll be on WhatsApp communicating with other people. Why would he be online and not greet me or chat with me?

He’s so sneaky when it comes to his phone – he even switches it off at night and that worries me a lot.

Answer

Not knowing where you stand with someone who claims to love you can be very confusing. When you’re in a relationship you should never wonder about your partner’s feelings for you. His actions should never make you doubt him, which is exactly what you’re doing right now. The signs are there that he’s not committed to this relationship so maybe it’s time you talk to him about it.

Tell him how his actions are making you feel. In a relationship you need to make time for each and also respect each other. He seems to be doing neither of those things.

He needs to let you know if he’s just fooling around with you so you can make an informed decision about your future. If he says he’s committed, then maybe he needs to change the way he treats you and the way he acts. Good luck!

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