My husband’s love affair is affecting our marriage – what should I do?

(PHOTO: Getty/Gallo Images)
(PHOTO: Getty/Gallo Images)

He won’t end his affair

Question

I’m 55 and I’ve been married to the same man for over 20 years. We have three children together. Our sex life has been bad for a few years, but I recently started feeling better about myself and for the past few months we’ve been sharing a bed again.

Yet just as I thought life was getting back to normal, I discovered he’s been having an affair for two years and now I feel betrayed and bad about myself again. He says he won’t stop the affair but will stay married to me. What should I do?

Answer

Broken trust is never easy to rebuild. It was good that you worked on your self-esteem until you felt good about yourself again. The strength you gathered to pick yourself up is the same strength you now need to keep your confidence. Don’t let his actions make you doubt yourself and cause chaos in your life. He has chosen his path, you must live your life.

It’s clear your husband doesn’t value you or your marriage anymore. At least he hasn’t been a coward and was able to tell you the truth about him not stopping the affair. The best way for you to have closure is for both you and your husband to talk about a way forward.

He needs to state whether he is going to stay with you or part ways permanently. He is being utterly selfish by expecting you to accept this affair. You can’t allow him to have his cake and eat it at the expense of your emotional sanity. Seeking the advice and intervention of a counsellor will help you to avoid conflict when you confront him about the matter.

Emotional Affair Journey advises that when faced with such a dilemma, you should always remember to take time to yourself, try to bring back all the things that made you feel good and know your worth.

When you do what makes you feel happy and gain your confidence, you husband will wonder what’s going on and start to think more about you and less about the other woman.