My partner is not ready to have children, what should I do?

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(PHOTO: Getty/Gallo Images)
(PHOTO: Getty/Gallo Images)

He doesn’t want another child

Question

I’m a 30-year-old woman who’s in a good relationship. There’s just one thing standing between us: I want to have a child and he’s told me he isn’t ready. This might be because he’s still in love with his baby mama – he says their relationship is complicated – but I know he’s happy with me. I love him as well and don’t want to lose him, so am I being selfish by wanting a child?  I lost my 10-month-old baby boy in 2009 and ever since I feel like a part of me is missing. I really want to feel happy and whole again.

Answer

I don’t think you should assume your partner is refusing to have a child with

you because he’s still in love with his ex. If you think that way it suggests you don’t trust him? You must ask him why he’s not ready. You might find that he just wants to wait a while to see where your relationship is going before he complicates things by bringing another child into the world.

He might be safeguarding himself the hurt he’ll feel of not being able to fully participate in the upbringing of his child if the relationship ends in a breakup. On the other hand, your biological clock is ticking and it’s understandable you don’t want to wait and risk having complications during pregnancy or childbirth because of your age.

I suggest you both make a serious effort to talk about this and seek the assistance of a relationship counsellor if necessary. Good luck!

Mother.ly advises that when in such a predicament, it is always good to find a way and work around your issues with your partner. Try to understand why he is not ready and be on his side rather than against him. It is also important to acknowledge your personal concerns about becoming a parent and how it will change your relationship.

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