My partner wants to "settle down" but still texts his ex

(PHOTO:GETTY/GALLO IMAGES)
(PHOTO:GETTY/GALLO IMAGES)

He still texts his ex

Question

I’m a 25-year-old woman in a relationship with a 28-year-old man. He told me from the get-go he has a child but he’s no longer with the mother, and I had no problems with that.

 He made his intentions clear, saying he wanted a committed relationship in the hope of settling down with me and he still stands by that. I asked him what happened in his previous relationship and he said they were fighting a lot, to the point they couldn’t make things work so they called it quits. However, I recently found out that they talk regularly, and she also sends him kiss emojis when texting.

 That made me feel uncomfortable and I asked if they were still together. He said no, but admitted they talk regularly. He also confessed he still has feelings for her, but he’s accepted they won’t work and that’s why he’s moved on and is with me. I told him she needs to know he’s in a relationship now so boundaries can be put in place. But I’m confused – is it worth continuing with this relationship

Answer

It’s good he was honest with you about his baby mama. However, he’s ruining his good deed with what’s happening between them now.

She is an ex for a reason, and although they have a child together and so are likely to be in regular contact, there’s no reason for kiss emojis unless they are trying to rekindle their love. You’re right when you say he needs to set boundaries with the baby mama.

She needs to know they are no longer in a relationship and the only conversation they should be having is about the child. He’s the one who needs to set things straight and show you how serious he is about your relationship. Talk to him about this and make sure he commits himself so you can be sure this relationship really is worth your time and energy.

According to WomansHealth “If you hear idealization or fondness when he talks about her, that can be an important indicator that there’s still an emotional attachment.” It’s easy to get caught up in a whirlwind romance when the relationship is new, make sure that you take time in getting to know each other more and knowing what you both want out of the relationship.

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