‘My partner won’t sleep with me because I lost my job’

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(PHOTO: Getty Images/Gallo Images)
(PHOTO: Getty Images/Gallo Images)

SHE WON’T SLEEP WITH ME

Question                                                                   

I live with my partner of 16 years and we have three kids. I haven’t been working for the past two years and she’s been the one taking care of us.

One day she came back from work and told me I must never expect to make love to her anymore because all she can think about all day is our debts. Since then we’ve slept in separate rooms. She claims she still loves me but how can that be possible? Please help me find a way forward

Answer

There seems to be more going on here than meets the eye. Your partner has been supportive to you since you lost your job and you’ve both been doing well.

 So why the sudden change in her behaviour? And why the ultimatum? When you lost your job did you sit down and discuss how things were going to be until you were able to secure employment? If you didn’t, then it should happen now as family dynamics can change when you go from a two-income home to just one partner taking care of all the financial needs.

Your partner should be willing to discuss this matter with you, and reach an amicable decision. If she refuses then you’ll know her decision has nothing to do with the fact that you’re unemployed – then it’s far more likely she’s just using it as an excuse.

 She claims to still love you so she should be willing to work with you to sort things out and not deprive you of intimacy.

This is obviously putting a lot of strain on your relationship. So before it goes too far talk to her and find out the real reason behind her decision

IS HE LEADING ME ON?

Question

I’m 24 and recently I’ve been communicating via texts with a guy I’ve known since high school. We’ve been on and off on WhatsApp for a while now and every time we stop talking it’s because of him.

The last time we were really hitting it off, and I thought it was going to be different. And one night he said I should visit him but I couldn’t.

 Then he asked again, but I had other plans. And now he’s just told me he’s about to leave the country. I was shocked. Do you think this is why he was suddenly interested in seeing me? I’m confused, I think I’m done with men.

Answer

Social media relationships are very tricky and they can be dangerous and deceiving. You need to tread very carefully in such circumstances.

One thing I fail to understand is why you two hadn’t met face to face before this. If you were both serious about each other, then it would have made sense to make plans to meet up so you could spend time together and talk about where your relationship was going.

 You also seem to have let this man dictate the way your engagement with each other was conducted. You allowed him do as he pleased, letting him in and out of your life as and when he wanted without taking you and your feelings into account.

Surely you must have wondered what he was doing when he was quiet and not communicating with you? And why were you prepared just to wait around for him to come back and start communicating with you again?

Besides, how sure are you that he really is leaving the country? What if it’s just a ploy to get you to visit him? I can guarantee you deserve better than that.

HER MOM DISAPPROVES OF US

Question

I’m a 31-year-old man in love with my 27-year-old girlfriend. We’ve been together for four years now, and we have a two-year-old son.

We want to get married but her mother refuses to approve of our relationship. We’re really in love, so what can we do?

Answer

It’s not clear why her mother doesn’t want to give permission for you and her daughter to get married.

 Have you undergone all the customs that are required before a couple can get married? If not, then maybe that’s what you need to rectify before planning any further.

Legally there’s nothing stopping you from marrying each other as you both are over the age of 18. However, it’s not a good start for a couple if the families involved don’t give their blessings to the union.

 I suggest you talk to an elder in your family and ask them to talk to your future mother-in-law to find out why she’s so reluctant to give her approval. For the sake of your relationship and also for your child, it’s best to find an amicable solution to this matter

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