Should you expose a cheater? Here’s why you probably shouldn’t

(PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES/GALLO IMAGES)
(PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES/GALLO IMAGES)

Question

 

My wife and I attend the same church as a married woman who’s known for lying and cheating. Ever since she got married more than 20 years ago she’s been cheating on her husband with various men, especially those who hold positions of power.

My problem is I know of three boyfriends – one was her college mate, another her former lecturer and then her present one.

I often see her with this new boyfriend when her husband is working far away from home. He only comes back on weekends. It’s said she actively prevents him from getting transfers to be nearer to home so she can continue with her adultery.

She can do this because she works at the same place and knows the right people. My wife holds a leadership position in the church and has suggested we expose her to the church elders and her husband. She says this will protect our daughters and the reputation of the church from this horrible role model. Do you think this is right?

Answer

It’s never easy to look at someone who claims to be one thing but acts in a different manner. But be careful of putting yourself and your wife in the middle of a conflict you could easily avoid.

What the woman is doing might upset you because she’s a member of your congregation, but that doesn’t give you or your wife permission to pry into her life. No matter what information you might have on her, she’s still entitled to her privacy.

What if you decide to expose her to the congregation and they don’t believe a word you say and turn against you instead? Or what if you don’t have any concrete proof of what you’re saying, and she turns around and sues you for defamation of character? Tread with caution.

Huffpost advices that you don’t involve yourself in other people’s relationships, because every friendship is different, every marriage is different, and every affair is different. There is no one answer to the question that will fit everyone, all the time.

Some of us will have added complications if we also feel loyal to the person we know is cheating, if we all hang out together regularly as couples or families, if we know she's had painful history with this subject, if she thinks her relationship is perfectly fine, it doesn’t give you permission to get involved in her life.