My boyfriend of four years has been telling me that he's an accountant, but I just discovered that he’s been lying all along and he doesn’t have a job. He sells fake sneakers for a living.
I also suspect that he's doing something illegal, as he always has money. He has three children with three different women, and I'm pregnant. How will he pay maintenance for our child? It’s too late for me to abort. What should I do? - WORRIED LOVER
MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE
Mandisa Muruge, a counsellor at the Family Life Centre’s Lenasia South office, says: “It will be very difficult to believe anything your boyfriend tells you after having been untruthful about his career. This is why you now have suspicions about how he really makes a living. The foundation of a good relationship is trust, honesty and faithfulness.
“You need to make a decision about your future and that of your innocent child by asking yourself the following questions: What attracted you to this man? Was his fake career the draw card? Do you really love him or do you love the man he pretends to be? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Will he provide for your child if you stay? Does he provide for his other three children? Do you believe he will remain faithful to you or will this relationship just lead to further heartache for you?
“Your child’s wellbeing should come first. They need protection, whatever your decision about your relationship. You can strive to play that role as a mother and try to provide for the child. Learn from this experience without punishing the child for the deeds of the father. “It might be useful to seek legal advice from the courts about your rights to make sure he pays maintenance as he’s legally obligated to do. Maybe also seek the help of a counsellor in order to work through your own feelings for this man.”
MOVE! READERS ADVISE
First things first, do you love him? Or did you love the fact he told you he was an accountant? I believe he will maintain your child the same way he’s been maintaining his other three children. You don't have to worry.
You just said he always has money, so he’ll support the child. But how can you date someone for four years and not know what he really does for a living? The problem is actually with you. I wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't even met his family.
Too bad if you were dating his career and not him. You can decide to leave or stay. But money is money. Whether he earned it from being an accountant or selling sneakers, it has the same value.
Talk things out and don’t be angry with him. Support him and deal with this other secret business you suspect him of. If he's willing to change, you can then plan your life together. If he shows no remorse, you should reconsider this relationship.