I want to be free from his sexual activity


“My husband of many years does not care for me. When I ask for anything to be done around the house he refuses. The only thing he does is have sex with me. I have tried to fight this but there is just no solution. Lately when he comes to make love I just look at him and open my legs, wait until he finishes and close my legs, with no kissing or cuddling. My friends say that this is not the way to treat a man – and I always ask them if this is the way to treat a woman. I want to be free from his sexual activity because I am just not interested in making love to him. -- Veliswa, Langa

Dr Eve says

Your friends must remember that they now live in a new democratic South Africa, one in which men and women have the same human rights, including sexual rights. Women no longer need to put up with this kind of treatment from a man. It is pretty damn awful.

You are so right that this is not the right way to treat a woman. However, he’s going to treat you like this for as long as you open your legs for sex and for as long as you clean up his mess in the house. Take charge of your situation. First talk to him about your unhappiness and hope he will be willing to have an adult conversation with you. Let him know that you will no longer be available to him in the same way and you would prefer better attention and consideration. You have to mean what you say and also do what you say. Say NO to the sex you don’t want; however, you can offer him the kind of sex you do want. If he refuses this, tell him that you will withdraw emotionally and sexually until there is no marriage left. I wish you luck and courage.

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