My step brother wants to marry me


“I am a 28-year-old woman. My stepbrother and I have different fathers and mothers, and our parents have been married for more than 15 years. We were brought up like brother and sister. He buys gifts, and sends love cards and romantic SMSs to me.

  I have tried to stop him, but he has told me he loves me and he wants to marry me. We started a relationship three years ago and we really love each other. We haven’t yet told our parents about our relationship, but we are planning to tell them. I think our parents will be so disappointed. He bought a house, which is far from my home. He visits me daily. We had a dinner at his house and he told me that he is planning to pay lobola soon. Can you advise me?” – Sister, Johannesburg   Move! Expert advice  

This may sound very complicated but in life nothing is impossible. Such things have happened in the past and are still happening. I suggest that you talk to your mother or grandmother about this. I say this because such issues depend heavily on a person’s background, beliefs and traditions. Some traditions allow and stepbrother and stepsister to marry, as BaSotho say “di kgomo dikgotlela sakeng” (lobola paid out would in turn be enjoyed by the same family).

Don’t stress about your situation. What matters most is how you feel about the issue and that your boyfriend-stepbrother truly loves you in turn. These days, finding someone who really loves you is very difficult. Count yourself lucky and don’t look back. I just hope your family will understand or their tradition or beliefs will not interfere with this relationship. Good luck and try to make this marriage a bed of roses if it happens.

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