Cape Town - It's been over eight months since actress Zikhona Sodlaka laid her mom to rest and the pain has not gone away.
The actress took to social media on her mother's birthday to open up about her grieving, admitting that it's not something she's gotten used to.
"And then there is something about grieving a MOTHER. I'm finding it's like a black whole. U think you've gotten the hang of it but it says no there's more!!! I'm finding that truly our steps are ordered and that God is always setting up for His next step and His next phase for you [sic]," she posted.
She says she's give all to God through this process and that's the only way she sees fit. Having lost her mother, she feels like she's grown as a person and also, she feels like she has inherited her mother's spirit.
"You somehow know how to be. It's also a selfish time Cos you know immediately what was always real and what wasn't. You become an adult [sic]," she shares.
"When your mother leaves in her physical form you inherit her entirE spirit.... Just like that! As a woman you then become your mother, whom I wanna think I've always been any way. But more so now. And then, you find honesty is your only friend. You move with it and let it embarrass you in the hope of expressing a love you have lost that has always lived in you even before it left," she adds.
The former Generations actress announced the passing of her mother last year which came as a shock even though she was ill.
"I am deeply saddened at the sudden passing of my beloved mother, though she had been ill for a while, nothing in the world ever prepared my family and I for the pain and grief we carry heavily in our hearts. I am blessed though to be surrounded by so many that are carrying me through this difficult time, with their prayers, support and love. I see you and I thank you for being there," she posted at the time.