‘I had sex with two brothers and I don’t know who the father of my child is’



I had sex with two brothers around the same time and now I'm pregnant. One brother is married and the other isn’t. I didn’t date the two guys, it’s just that we're friends and crossed the line on several occasions.

I'm not married and didn't want to commit to anyone – I was also lonely and needed some sexual satisfaction. I don’t have feelings for either of them, but they are physically attractive and they were also very willing to have sex with me without any attachment.

I don’t think the brothers know that they each slept with me, but I can’t be sure. My worry is that there is no way for me to tell who the father is and I need to let my family know where to go to claim damages.

I'll also need maintenance for the baby once it's born as I'm earning very little money as a volunteer at an old age home. How do I solve this problem?

Expert advice

Thuli Bottoman, a senior social worker at the Family Life Centre in Joburg, says: “You need to take the first step in finding a solution. The only way you'll know which man is the father of your child, in order to claim maintenance and damages, is through having a paternity test with both men.

Start by approaching both brothers individually. Work out if it's safe for you to be open with them about the fact that either could be the father of your child? Or is it better to speak to each brother without revealing the identity of the other potential father?

Test their reactions carefully. Once you've spoken to them, you'll have a better idea of how to move forward. This is a very lonely time for you and seeking assistance from a counsellor will help you to explore your options and deal with your own stress.

Move! readers advice


Always use a condom to avoid these kinds of results. You didn’t respect your body and now you must find the solution, which will be possible after the baby is born when you can do DNA tests.


You boobed, my sister. But then again, who am I to judge? The DNA test will be the only way to find out who the biological father is between the two brothers.


Give the baby to the unmarried brother, even if it’s not his. In a way it will still be his because he will be bringing up his own brother’s child.


Just walk away from both of them and live with the consequences. You will have to answer to your child one day when he or she wants to know about their father.

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