The loss of a loved one is painful and actress Nomzamo Mbatha can’t seem to forget the day she lost her cousin, whom she refers to as a sister, Carla.
Carla died from suicide in 2014 and according to Nomzamo, she was suffering from depression.
Read more: Nomzamo pays tribute to her sister
She has been the first to admit that behind the bubbly personality and contagious smile lies a broken woman.
The actress has never shied away from opening up about how this death had an impact on her. She says it’s one of the worst she’s had to go through and admits she will never recover.
Each year, without fail, Nomzamo has managed to remember her sister and used her voice to empower those who find themselves in the same situation.
“I have experienced many tragedies in my life. But the one that sucker punched me was finding my baby sister in our family garden after she had taken her own life... it is a heartbreak that I will never fully recover from but will always be in the process of healing from,” she wrote in an Instagram post.
The actress says Carla’s passing due to suicide brought about some kind of guilt and shame. Those feelings brought about doubt in what she did or didn’t do as a sibling. Now, she has a lot of questions she fails to answer.
“I felt guilt and shame. Was I not good enough for her to live for, was I a good sister, what signs did I miss... why did I get on that flight the night before because if I was home the next morning she wouldn’t have gotten the chance to execute her plan. I then turned my fear and heartbreak into love. To understand better about her experience and suffering [sic]”.
Even though it still hurts, the actress says she finds comfort in knowing that Carla knew how she, friends and the family felt about her.
Read more: Nomzamo Mbatha's family heartbreak
“That she succumbed to her illness and that she is at peace and is free from the pain of this world. That she knew I loved her. That my family loved her. That her friends loved her.So @shantidas404 thank you for allowing me and so many others who have been so close to the epicenter of tragedy to Silence the Shame and give many permission to know that they are not alone. There is no shame. There is LOVE . #SilenceTheShame #MentalHealth,” Nomzamo says.