Local singer, TV presenter and actress Ntombee Mzolo lost her second-born child in 2015. After experiencing that kind of trauma, she decided to use it to help heal other women who have lost their babies.
Speaking to DRUM, Ntombee says there isn’t a thing that can prepare a mother for the loss of her child.
“I was happily pregnant with my second child, my son. My husband and I were excited just like every expecting couple. Eight months in, my doctor told us there were complications with our boy. The left side of his heart wasn’t functioning the way it was supposed to, it wasn’t pumping blood. So, we were told if this was detected earlier, they would’ve terminated the pregnancy. But out options were for me to either take medication that would stop his heart then they extract him out of me, or carry full-term, give birth and watch him die. It was so hard even hearing that because my baby was such an active little one in my tummy,” she says emotionally.
“But because of my faith in God, my husband and I decided that I’d carry full-term,” she continues. “I believe God gave us borrowed time with our little boy. He lived for 28 days and then passed away. I remember praying the day before he passed on, asking God to let His will be done. If He was allowing our child to live because of our prayers, then we’re letting him go because he was in pain, he was not okay. The following day, he passed,” Ntombee tells us.
Ntombee admits that the doctors and everyone who was treating her and her unborn baby could’ve been more sensitive because she was experiencing this for the first time. “There are still moments that I look back to and think, ‘But what happened there could’ve been avoided’ or something. But I know that if it was God’s will, he’d still be alive today. And those are the things that come with healing, it’s not easy, but absolutely necessary.”
Ntombee remembers the day she lost her son like it was yesterday.
“That day in ICU, there was another lady, a Kenyan woman, who had just lost her baby too. I noticed she was alone and had to do all the admin alone, in the midst of her trauma. My heart broke for her, and I couldn’t help but think of all the other women in the country who were and felt alone in their grief. That’s when the idea to help other women came to me,” Ntombee tells us.
READ MORE: Ntombi Mzolo's 'miracle baby' has died.
Ntombee started the Dunamis Heart Foundation – naming it after her son Dunamis, which means “God’s power”. And she decided that if she was going to help other women, it was going to be in his memory.
In May this year, Ntombee held a high tea to help women heal. She called it the Mothers of Angels High Tea and the turnout was something she did not expect. “I know there are a lot of women who have gone through this same pain, and the fact so many women came showed me how much we need to support each other and help each other in this healing process.”
Ultimately, Ntombee wants to expand this initiative to include men as well, and acknowledge the pain they feel as men and the fathers of these little angels.
“My husband has been my strength throughout, but he’s also going through the same thing. He lost his son. And because he’s been through it, I’d want him to encourage other men to speak and heal as well. They, just like mothers, will always be fathers, whether the child is there or not.”
Ntombee’s husband often calls their late son God’s silent prophet “because the strength that we received from God after losing him enabled us to touch so many people’s lives and bring more people to God, that’s not our doing. Sometimes we feel him, and I know he’s proud of what we’re doing”, Ntombee says lovingly.
So, what happens at the high tea?
“The most important thing for me is taking the first steps to healing, and that often includes speaking to someone. So, the mothers of angels get proper counselling. But not only that, they also get pampered with a spa treatment because we need to understand that it’s okay to be okay. We shouldn’t feel guilty if we’re happy – it’s healing. It doesn’t mean we’re bad parents or we’ve forgotten about out little ones. It simply means we’re healing.”
In her journey of healing, Ntombee says she’s grown spiritually, and would like to share that peace with other women.
“I also invite a pastor to speak to us. But this time I’ve invited my mother as one of the speakers because she’s not only a pastor, but she is a mother of an angel too. In the ’90s, my mother gave birth to a stillborn, and that’s not something we talk about in our family. So, this will not only help the women she’ll be speaking to, because they will relate, but it will help her own healing journey as well.”
Ntombee plans to host these high teas every month and take them all around the country.READ MORE: Online support for pregnancy losses