Ask Sis Dolly: He’s much older than me


Tsakane asks: I’m 25 and in love with a 42-year-old man. My brother says he’s old enough to be my dad. He wants to pay lobola for me, but I was raised by my mother’s parents. Where must he go to pay lobola? I’m confused.

Sis Dolly answers: Talk to your elders through your mom. They will sort this thing out according to how your clan deals with these issues. Basically, it doesn’t matter who raised you – what matters is who paid lobola for your mom (or inhlawulo if she was never married). If your father did all that’s required to make her his wife (and you his daughter) then the lobola should go to your father’s family. Even so, families do talk and they may still decide that you “walk out” where you grew up as a tribute to your maternal grandparents. As for his age, well, if you’re happy and he makes you feel loved and secure, then his age is irrelevant, even if he is old enough to be your father.

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Journalism strengthens democracy. Invest in the future today. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. 
Subscribe to News24