“He wants to marry me but wants nothing to do with my child – what do I do?”

(PHOTO: Getty images)
(PHOTO: Getty images)

Move readers advise a woman who says her boyfriend does not love her child.

This is her story.

“I’m a 29-year-old woman and have been with my boyfriend for about three years. I think we are serious, but I have one problem.

He doesn’t want to have anything to do with my child, who is from a previous relationship. He never asks about my daughter and it’s like she doesn’t even exist. Yet, he expects me to be all loving with his child, who he also had from a previous relationship. He’s talking about marriage, but how can I marry someone who hates my child?”

Move readers' advice


Ask him about his plans regarding your daughter before you commit to a marriage. The fact that he is not saying anything about your child may be because he is not sure how best to relate to her. Before you jump to conclusions, you need to get clarity.


You do not marry such a man. How did you even make it to three years with this good-for-nothing guy? My advice: leave him before it's too late. Your daughter should come first. You don't want to end up spending your life in a bad marriage.


Your boyfriend is very selfish and immature. Give your daughter the love and protection she deserves. This man will not be a good father to your child. Getting into a marriage with him will just be a foolish thing to do because you will be miserable. 


 Do not compromise, especially when it comes to the happiness and safety of your child. His behaviour raises a red flag and do not ignore it! You will find a man who will love you and your daughter. Unfortunately this is not the right man for you. 

Expert advice

Mandisa Muruge, a counsellor at The Family Life Centre’s Lenasia South office, says: “Have you spoken to your boyfriend about this?

You cannot consider marriage when you still have such serious issues within your relationship. “A child is not something you can wish will disappear, and your boyfriend must understand that you are a package – your child is part of you.

 “Explain your feelings about the way he is treating your child, and how that does not sit well with you. He must either accept your child or move on to find a woman with no child.

“He does not treat you fairly if he expects you to treat his child with love and doesn’t do the same with your daughter. Please consider premarital counselling. You can also contact The Family Life Centre for help.”

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