I’m a 34-year-old woman and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and half. I love him so much and he loves me too. The problem is that things aren’t that great sexually. We recently found out that he is diabetic and this has put a strain on our sex life. He doesn’t get an erection, meaning we can’t have sex. He has a big ego and pride and I sometimes find it hard to talk to him about certain things. I don’t know how to talk to him about going to a men’s clinic for help because it’s affecting us both. Please help. ANONYMOUS, RUSTENBURG
Judy Ramsden, head of counselling at The Family Life Centre in Joburg, says, “Have open and honest communication with him. Keep the intimacy, and I don’t mean the sex part, alive and well. Let there be lots of holding and loving. Ask him openly to speak to the doctor who is treating him for diabetes. He would be in a position to make recommendations as to a holistic view of his physical health. In many cases, there are multifactorial causes for this problem. Show your man support and offer to accompany him during his doctor's consultation. Remember that an erect manhood is only one factor in an exciting sexual relationship.”
MOVE! READER’S ADVICE
MTHUNZI P NKOSI
If you still want to be in a relationship with him, it’s best that you talk to him because you will end up cheating. Just tell him to go and seek help. If he doesn't want to get help, that’s when you can move on with your life.
Instead of complaining about the problem, try a different approach. Spice things up in the bedroom, wear sexy lingerie and set the mood right. Maybe this will help him to be sexual again.
Your problem can be solved by communication and getting help from the clinic. Your partner's mind needs to be at ease because if he's anxious, he's likely not to perform.
Your man is stressed; the shock of finding out about his condition strained him mentally. Please seek medical advice.
NONDUMISO NONDU MDAKANE
All you can do is to be there for him. Accompany him to the check-ups and help him with his diet and medication. After some time, that's when you can bring this matter to the table.