The size shoot-out

So this white guy and this Indian guy were in a bar, and they both needed to take a leak...

Even if you don’t follow the news, you’ll have picked up on that story last week about the two comparing penis sizes in the loo of a Durban bar. So far, so much like the beginning of a joke. But things got out of hand, and next thing we know they’ve got their friends involved, and they’re waving guns around, and three people are killed.

Guys. Of course size matters. A box of chocolates can never be too big. A car with a 2-litre engine is much more fun to drive than an 1100.

But the length and circumference of a penis is not a deal-breaker. Not in business, not on the rugby field, not in bed. Speaking as – well, neither ‘user’ nor ‘consumer’ is a comfortable term. Speaking as an observer? – size matters much less than affection, confidence, cuddles and other non-physical issues.

However, to set male minds at rest, Health24 once found a study that looked at penis size by nation. We were satisfied to find out that South African men score second only to Frenchmen in the trouser department. The French are bigger by only 1mm. You’d have to be pretty picky to make a distinction based on 1mm.

We also know more than is decent about that most treasured of male possessions. Did you know, for instance, that it's shaped like a wishbone?

As sexologist Dr Elna Mackintosh points out, the desire for a bigger penis seems to be endemic in men, but she thinks it’s really about something else – about the desire for 'more confidence, disinhibition, an insight into women, even wisdom', she says. Those okes in Durban could certainly have done with a bit of contemplation and wisdom about why they were really squaring up in the loo...

Until next time, 
(Heather Parker, Health24, September 2008)

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