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17 Oct 2006

Boyfriend needs to sort his life out!
Hi there

I know this is a guy forum, but I dont know where else to trun about this!!

My boyfriend and I hav been together for 4 years now, we are very happy together and we live together in a granny flat on his parents property.

He co -owns a business with his father and brother (he and his fiance live in another granny flat - also on the parents property), The problem is they fight all the time and these fights escalate into boxing matches sometimes. They cannot seem to seperate work from family life. As a result both work and home are increadibly stressful. They will come home fighting and keep fighting til late at night - sometimes early hours of the morning and they fight dirty! I have tried to intervene, to tell them that they need to keep work issues and family issues seperate but it doesnt help.

He is increadibly stressed and so am I! He and his brother dont get a fixed salary and his father watches every sent he spends. Its as if his father doesnt want us to get on our feet and move on with our lives and be self sufficient - the minute we talk about moving away or the possibility of my boyfirend getting a job elsewhere his father makes life unbearably difficult for us - he doesnt pay him but makes him work Monday - Sunday from 7am till sometimes as late at 8pm.

We are at a loss as to what to do about this. I have a job, but I only earn R6000pm - there is no way I could support us on our own and he is worried he wont be able to get another job because from the moment he left matric he went into the family business - he didnt study further and doesnt know anything else but the kitchen business.

What can we do?? Please help!
Answer 396 views
Expert
Life Coach for Men

01 Jan 0001

Good morning concerned girlfriend

Thank you Jules too for your invaluable input!

Working with family often does not work and both you and he have become trapped by his father who seems very manipulative. The arguments are unhealthy and your boyfriend is simply pushed back into feeling like a child. A good book to read is “Games People Play” by Eric Berne. The situation is unhealthy and they seem to play the same toxic game all the time.

As for only having a matric, consider that Richard Branson left school, became an entrepreneur and is now one of the richest men in the world – anything is possible if you are presented with a problem and you have the energy to pursue your dreams. He has written a superb short book called “Screw it – let’s do it” - it is worth a read.

As difficult as it may seem, you both need to move away as I don’t believe his father will change. Look at the options, plan carefully, set a goal for six months time let’s say and work towards getting your lives back.

Mike Lacey-Smith
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